The 30-Day Love Detox | Dr. Wendy Walsh | Talks at Google

FEMALE SPEAKER: Is everybody excited to be here? What a good turnout Chris and I were just joking We’re like, sex sells [LAUGHING] FEMALE SPEAKER: So we’re so happy to have Dr. Wendy Walsh here today And I know you guys have been bombarded with emails as reminders of why Wendy is here But just to give you guys some background on her, she’s America’s thought leader on relationships And each week on CNN and “The O’Reilly Factor,” she breaks down the psychology of sex, love, gender roles, divorce, parenting, and other human behaviors As host of Investigation Discovery Network’s “Happily Never After,” she guides viewers through the sometimes treacherous sides of love As resident expert at datingadvice.com, no subject is taboo in her popular advice column And as former co-host of the “Doctors” TV show– if you guys haven’t seen it, definitely check her out on YouTube– she was nominated for a 2012 Daytime Emmy Award And she also lectures on evolutionary psychology and human mating strategies at California State University, Channel Islands She holds a BA in journalism, a master’s degree in psychology, and PhD in clinical psychology She has authored “The Boyfriend Test,” “The Girlfriend Test,” and “The 30 Day Love Detox.” WENDY WALSH: Thank you Wow [APPLAUSE] WENDY WALSH: I don’t need to use a microphone, right? You guys can hear me all, OK? Yeah, OK It’s a little more intimate that way If you hear anything that you want to tweet, I would be really, really thrilled if you would tweet it today It’s @DrWendyWalsh The reason why I called my lecture the Economy of Sex is because it’s a very provocative title, and people immediately think of prostitution But it has nothing to do with that, actually It has to do with the fact that, anthropologically, we are here to reproduce, right? And we have a survival mechanism to reproduce And the big currency for reproduction, of course, is obtaining a mate who will give you offspring that will survive into the next level So that’s why I call it the Economy of Sex And I really love that slide, by the way Because how many people have ever sat on a date and watched somebody eat their money? OK, let’s start off with a fun little fun fact quiz If you had to guess, what percentage of American men aged 18 to 25– this was a young person study– can obtain sex on a first date– they have such an A game Why don’t you just think the number in your head for now, and then we’ll go over them What percentage of men in our culture are considered players? And here’s how this study defined players– they’ve had at least three sexual partners a year for three consecutive years That’s at least nine partners in three years That’s considered a Don Juan Number of hook-ups the typical college student has each year Think about it Think about it Percentage of college students who are virgins And the number of lifetime sexual partners Now, I don’t want any men to talk, because men always know the correct answers to this, I will tell you that [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: Men know the numbers so well OK, so I only want to hear from women How many men aged 18 to 25, if 100 of them go out on a first date with a new woman tonight, what percentage are going to obtain sex AUDIENCE: 60 AUDIENCE: 25 WENDY WALSH: 60 25 What else I got? 30 No men talk yet OK, guy, give me something AUDIENCE: 2% AUDIENCE: 5% WENDY WALSH: There we go! OK it’s actually just under 20% But again, these are young, 18 to 25-year-old guys So it’s just under 20% I’m sorry? AUDIENCE: What number did you say? WENDY WALSH: Just under 20% So it’s about a one in five chance, if you’re 18 to 25 and filled with testosterone and you’ve honed your A game as much as possible But the point here is women are ingesting this idea that sex happens all the time to everybody, and they’re the ones that should be complying All right, percentage of men who are players They’ve had at least three partners a year Let’s start with women These guys have had three partners a year for three consecutive years Women, what percentage of our male population? This study was older These were men 18 to 30 AUDIENCE: 25 WENDY WALSH: 25% AUDIENCE: 65 AUDIENCE: 50 WENDY WALSH: 65 50 Come on, anybody else? 40? OK, I want a man to answer AUDIENCE: 10 WENDY WALSH: 10– that’s pretty generous It’s 3% AUDIENCE: Wow WENDY WALSH: Now, remember, you guys are living in LA and New York It’s a whole different world in LA and New York, right? [LAUGHS] OK, number of hook-ups the typical college student has every year AUDIENCE: What’s a hook-up? WENDY WALSH: Oh, a hook-up is– that is the big question, actually Because people use the term so loosely, and they may mean that they just met for coffee But the truth is a hook-up is a sexual encounter with no strings attached and no expectation of ever seeing the person again AUDIENCE: Five WENDY WALSH: Five a year per college student AUDIENCE: One WENDY WALSH: One AUDIENCE: Three WENDY WALSH: OK, the one is right on The average college student has about one a year AUDIENCE: That’s the average WENDY WALSH: Right, that’s the average Right The study showed that, in the same study, when they asked

people what do you think the typical college student has– not me, them– they found that they said about 80% of the typical students have at least two or more That’s the belief system But when they actually ask people have they had hook-ups, they found that only 35% of the students had only one hook-up in the last year, and the rest had none Percentage of college students who are virgins in 2013 Guess, men or women Huh? AUDIENCE: 15% AUDIENCE: 30 WENDY WALSH: It’s 25% 25% Human beings begin having sexual activity usually somewhere between the ages of 16 and 25, and it’s a big range And the higher one is educated, the longer they delay the onset of sexual activity, because they tend to put career– oh, and by the way, religion is named number three as why these college students choose virginity Number one is STD, pregnancy, and then the other is derailing their career and education plans And then three is religion I’m going to save the number of lifetime sexual partners until we get to the end of this lecture But I want to say quickly, what I’m hearing from you is that you guys are believing the media mythology that everybody– especially the women– that everybody’s hooking up everywhere, all the time And that’s actually not the reality of what’s going on OK, what we’re in right now is what I call a high supply sexual economy And it’s actually related to the rise of women Now, I’m not blaming women here I just want you to understand that when women rise in power, sex rises in supply in our culture Now, we know what happens when women are disadvantaged We have enough examples of that around the world, enough examples in history When women are disadvantaged and they cannot extract resources from the environment, they basically have to monetize their pussies I’m sorry We can’t put that on YouTube, can we? [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: So either they withhold sex, wait till a guy signs on the dotted line to support them and their offspring in a contract called love and marriage, right? Here, they don’t have a choice, by the way It’s not a choice When you don’t have the ability to extract resources, get a job, gainful employment, the only thing you can hope to do is hook up to a guy who will support you and your kids And in order to do that, virginity is coveted We know that in cultures where women are disadvantaged, marriage rates go up, more children are born into wedlock, virginity is coveted, and, oh, yeah, prostitution goes way up I used an old-fashioned prostitute there because the height of prostitution worldwide was probably Victorian England, the most repressed time for women And it was a time of great economic expansion, when the middle class was developing in England But it was only a time of economic prosperity for men So women had a choice– not even reveal a ankle or, God forbid, they couldn’t get a husband, or sell it And in Victorian England, it was estimated there was one prostitute for every 12 men in the population That’s pretty high– a lot of competition there So we know what happens when women are disadvantaged We know what happens with sexuality And I want you to think a little bit about what’s going on in the sex slave trade in Asia right now Think about what’s going on in India, China, Thailand, where women are disadvantaged, right? And one interesting thing, a modern day twist on it, is that as women are becoming more educated, particularly in India– they’re working the call centers, they’re becoming doctors– they’re retaining their virginity because of cultural pressures So you’ve got this population of women who are now working, having education, retaining their virginity maybe until they’re 30, until their wedding day, because of the cultural pressures And you’ve got this huge population of men– what, 20% of them who get laid on the first date– who can’t So it gives rise to more prostitution When we have powerful women that we have right now, what happens is– [LAUGHING] AUDIENCE: –we know that we’re seeing an unprecedented rise of women in America For every two guys that graduate college, there are three women Women make up 3/5 of graduate school populations The only place we’re 50-50 are law schools and medical schools Maybe we’re lagging a little bit in engineering and the hard sciences– we’re catching up fast So in the aged 22 to 32 population, women are actually making more than their male peers Because we are now in a world of information technology And guess who are great communicators? Hmm We are darn good talkers and good typers So all of a sudden, women have an equal ability, or better even advantage, to extract resources from the environment And there are more women in the workforce right now in America Now, a lot of expensive men were laid off during the Great Recession And we still need a lot more heels and stilettos and skirts in the board rooms, but there are definitely more women working than men in America right now So what happens is when women have their own economic potential, they don’t need marriage necessarily, so they put sex out into the culture in high supply Because they can finally just enjoy the pleasures of their body, right? It sounds good, doesn’t it? You know, it does It sounds really good, that women can just make their own money and have sex with whoever they want, whenever they want

Except three things happen to men in a high supply sexual economy And this is the first example in history where we’ve been able to actually look at it The first is some men lose ambition Historically, hunter-gatherer men competed against other young men to extract resources from the environment so they could impress women Did you know a hunter-gatherer man could have easily supported his entire village on squirrels But oh no, he had to go out and risk his life, get a team of boys together, pull back a huge woolly mammoth, because what would he get? He’d get access to more women He could also display waste, because there’s no way of refrigerating all that meat, right? So he could say, hey, I’m so big and cool, I can let that meat just rot in the sun Because I know all you ladies will have your pick, and then I’ll have your pick of you By the way, today’s woolly mammoth is called a Super Bowl ring [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: Same deal So when women are making their own money, there’s a small population, maybe 30% of the men, who can now sit their mom’s basement until they’re 30 playing Xbox and ask women to text in naked pictures of themselves And then they can go over to her condo, because she has a perfectly well-suited Martha Stewart bed, and they don’t need to do anything So that’s one problem that we’re starting to see There are a host of books about it. “Failure to Launch” is one of the big ones about young men failing to launch That’s one of the problems in a high supply sexual economy Some others lose the ability to commit Because there is a group of men who are loving this high supply sex And they’re riding this wave of free sex, because, oh, guess what? Men don’t have a fertility window Oh, there is no rush They can wait until they’re in their 40s, and they can marry a girl who’s in her 20s Or they can leave baby mamas along the way They’ve got lots of choice So it’s getting harder and harder for women to get some men to commit I say some, because they don’t all fall And the other thing that happens is plenty of good guys– remember the other 97% that aren’t the players– they feel pressure in a high supply sexual economy to act like players So you end up not being authentic with who you are AUDIENCE: To me, are they players? WENDY WALSH: What? AUDIENCE: That’s New Kids on the Block WENDY WALSH: That is New Kids on the Block [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: I wondered if anybody would recognize that I just like the picture OK, so those are the three things that happen to men in a high supply sexual economy But there are also three things that happen to women in a high supply sexual economy Some women adopt a male model of sexuality Now, this is a good place for me to stop and explain that men and women are biologically a little different I love that we’re really politically correct in our world and we do know that in our workplace we can be as equal to extract resources from the environment But I have not met a guy yet who can breast feed I have not met a guy who can actually grow baby And none of you have fertility windows So when you hear me talk about the differences, don’t think political incorrectness, think I’m thinking about the biological reality of what’s going on So let’s talk about sexuality Men and women have sex for different reasons and in different ways Women, not all women– OK, don’t jump on me– can fall in love through sex Because their body excretes large amounts of oxytocin, the female bonding hormone There are only two times in a woman’s life where her body excretes a lot of oxytocin It is during breastfeeding, so that she can have a bonding experience with her baby And it is during female orgasm So there are plenty of women out there, because of our high supply sexual economy and our permissiveness and our media telling you that everybody’s hooking up, who start hooking up, and then start going, whoa, this doesn’t really feel good Or they call me and say, why hasn’t he called me back? And I’m like, but you said that was just sport sex Why do you care if he calls you back? But I don’t know He should still call me back Right? So their body is bonding, and they’re not even aware of it Now, men can also fall in love not necessarily through sex, but if they are in love with someone, they can have much better sex, OK? But a man can also have sex with the same woman every week for six months and not like her one bit more than he did that first date Because men, biologically, can separate sex and feelings a little easier than women can Now, we are seeing a group of women who are able to disassociate and disconnect from their biology We also see high school students give birth in the stall of their prom and didn’t know they were pregnant OK, so people can separate from their bodies Now, the other thing that happens in a high supply sexual economy is all these super educated, powerful women start to look at their male peers who may not be doing as well and say to themselves, well, I’m going to wait for the CEO Because I’ve got an MBA, and I’m making $240,000 a year Why should I be dating my buddy from the block who’s working blue collar somewhere? So what happens is you see this population of women who are holding out for a higher status man And sociologists actually call it the George Clooney effect [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: So we are seeing this population of women, there are some behaving like men There are some saying, I’ll settle down when I feel like it, because I know there will be a greater guy But remember, there’s one population of peer men who are in their mom’s basement There’s another population of peer men who are not

committing any time soon, all right? So this is a message AUDIENCE: The numbers don’t work out WENDY WALSH: The numbers don’t work out They’re losing out Because number three is, many women are losing the freedom to be mothers This is the new feminist crisis of our generation, and it is this– one in five women are losing the freedom to be mothers Because either their fertility window closes before they can get a guy to settle down, or because they believe the marketing mythology of the fertility clinics In vitro fertilization has not improved since the 1980s It’s efficacy is about the same It’s about 15% success rate The average cost– I did a little bit of research– is $13,700 So for your $13,700, you have an 85% chance of failing with in vitro But every time a celebrity goes on the news and says that they bought a baby or grew an egg or bought an egg or froze an egg, everyone gets excited Egg freezing– don’t even get me started about egg freezing We have not even thawed out those suckers enough to know what’s going to happen You think autism was the big diagnosis of our generation? Wait till you see kindergarten classrooms filled with thawed out eggs And they’re taking $20,000 of women’s hard earned after-tax money to freeze their eggs AUDIENCE: Well, women– why don’t they go for men who are older than them? Our windows are different And men mature at a different rate So I think there’s a natural– WENDY WALSH: There’s lots of solutions, yeah, but you have to do it before your 35 The height of female fertility– anybody know? [LAUGHING] AUDIENCE: I just had a baby AUDIENCE: It is more that they’re losing the choice to be mothers, not necessarily the freedom? To your point earlier that they’re constantly choosing– WENDY WALSH: Well, they think they’re choosing, but they’re not being given the full picture They’re given the marketing of the fertility clinics that they can wait So many young women think they can have a baby until they’re 50 Quick question– what do you think the biological height of female fertility is? AUDIENCE: 32 AUDIENCE: 27 AUDIENCE: 25 WENDY WALSH: That’s a great example You’re closer It’s 20! It’s 20 AUDIENCE: Oh, I understand I thought you said– WENDY WALSH: The height No, the height I’m sorry, the height The best it gets It takes a big decline at 30, falls off a cliff at 35, OK? AUDIENCE: That’s, again, the average The variety is huge WENDY WALSH: Yes, there’s a huge range AUDIENCE: Some women lose it at 28, and some women lose it at 45 WENDY WALSH: Right One of the women I interviewed for my book actually had fertility problems in her late 20s AUDIENCE: This is very complex, because we go for our career, and some of us are choosing to opt out– WENDY WALSH: This is the big question We’re going to get there We’re going to get there OK, I just want you to understand that when sex changes in price, it affects our families, it affects our cultures, it affects everything OK, so what happens to both genders in a high supply sexual economy? Many are unknowingly shuttled onto the sexual mass market And so when I hear you guys talk about these ideas that people are having– that players are 25% or 60% of men, that college students are hooking up everywhere, I know you’re ingesting the message of our culture that sex is cheap And sex is not cheap A high supply sexual economy creates a myth of sexual freedom The message it sends to men is take all sex, any sex, at any cost And the cost to men– usually, by the way, men don’t read relationship books And I’ll love you all if you would read mine But they do you call in to radio shows, especially the truckers in the middle of the night [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: And they do email me a lot And I hear from so many men who tell me, I’m actually a good guy I actually want a girlfriend I actually would be happy to have a family before I’m too old But all these girls are so sexually aggressive right now, and I can’t get one to stay still long enough So they’re being overlooked by their peers, maybe, because they’re not George Clooney And the other thing that happens, the message to women is have plenty of not-too-much sex Because we have this thing called the sexual double standard And I want to explain to you why the sexual double standard is actually hardwired in men What I tell women all the time is, the good news is the sexual double standard has been completely erased– but only in the minds of women And it’s still very much alive in men And you can sit there and train, and train, and train men all you want, but it’s a reflex in them as hard-grained as our fear of snakes Did you know, by the way, I teach some evolutionary psychology at my kid’s high school And I come with a bag I pretend it’s moving It’s got stuff in it And I throw a big giant, very realistic looking rubber snake into the room And the kids scream! And I go, why are you so afraid? And then I take the next thing out, and it’s electrical cable I go, in your lifetime, more people die of electrocution than snakebite ever But you are hard-wired to be afraid of snakes So you are also hard-wired to have a double standard And here’s why The double standard, by the way, is the thing that gives

women demerit points for sexual experience, and gives men, woohoo, great, exciting credit for the same sexual experience So in our hunter-gatherer past, if a man happened to hook up with a promiscuous woman, and he spent his time getting those squirrels or woolly mammoths or anything else for that offspring, he would risk giving his time, his resources, and protection to somebody else’s offspring, OK? So just to show you that this fear is very real, in one inobtrusive study in American hospitals, they found out that a full 10% of the babies born do not match the DNA of the doting daddy at bedside Aw, so women fool around, too AUDIENCE: Or maybe the men know that it’s not there, but they are there anyway WENDY WALSH: Or they may not know This was an unobtrusive study, yeah Why do you think those celebrities run right away for a DNA a test whenever they get that bill for the baby It’s the same thing Whether you’re bringing them squirrels or paying an alimony check or a child support check It’s the same thing Guys want to know And by the way, guys didn’t invent monogamy This new research came out in the last– I love that more women are getting into anthropology Apparently they’re signing up for that, too, besides med school So the belief was that monogamy was invented because women were so frail and fragile during those vulnerable years of pregnancy and nursing that they needed to have the protection of a man They needed to have his resources– OK, first of all, the hunter-gatherer societies that exist on the planet today, the gatherers, primarily women, bring home way more calories than the hunters The hunters get the glory, because that woolly mammoth is big But if you just count nuts, roots, and berries, we’re doing just fine without you all But what happened is women move because we’re gatherers So women were the ones roaming further and further and further And if a man wanted to be sure that that was his offspring, he better tag on to her and keep going after her, right? So it was actually men who invented monogamy, they’re now suggesting, because they wanted to make sure who their offspring were The double standard’s around It’s probably not going anywhere for another 100,000 years So that’s the problem in the high supply sexual economy, is that women are loving their sexual freedom but, at the same time, astutely aware of their count, and having conflicted feelings about what’s going on So let’s talk about what is natural mating And some of the pictures that you’re going to see here, I’m thrilled to tell you that there are a few hunter-gatherer societies on the planet today And many of them are being– did you see the new stuff from the new tribe they found in Peru in the last week? Oh, go online Google it AUDIENCE: So every one of them, there will be 100 people and 300 anthropologists around them? WENDY WALSH: Exactly Actually, you can’t go near them Because there’s a rule in Peru that if you meet any indigenous people, you cannot touch them You have to go far away So most of these pictures– maybe not this one in particular, because they’re posing– are taken with long range telescopes Because they will die from diseases from us They’re not ready to be exposed to our modern city diseases So here’s what our families look like We lived in a roving encampment of maybe 25 to 35 people– about the size of an average office work group, about the size of an average classroom This is a number that works well for humans Most of the people were related to us They were biologically related We lived with aunts, sisters, cousins, mothers We were protected by our brothers Probably the longest male-female relationship and the closest one in our history was brothers and sisters Because think about it– your siblings are with you your whole life Your parents eventually die off Your mate you meet and stays for the second half of your life But your siblings are there from the beginning and end So they tend to be very helpful with keeping– anybody who has a biological interest in those offspring help them grow And in fact, anthropologists are now showing that our increase in intelligence is largely related to this very important family structure, that if a child has consistent– consistent is the key word, not a new nanny fired every week because you don’t like her– OK, consistent primary attachment figures A young baby has to learn how to decode different people’s ways and expressions when they’re pre-verbal So that decoding process while the brain is tripling in size in the first year of life is actually the big intelligent explosion of humans So we lived in these encampments We really didn’t see many non-biologically related people Except, oh, yeah, those hunters, the odd hunter, the 3% player, the Don Juan He’s meant to be in this culture, too, for a reason So he would travel a little further with his little pack, and, trying to look for woolly mammoth, oh, he’d stumble on our village And all of a sudden, all the women would sit up and take notice, because there was pheromones that smelled a lot different than their brother OK, so let’s talk a little bit about how anthropologists decide whether a certain primate species is monogamous, promiscuous, or something in between

AUDIENCE: Testicle size? WENDY WALSH: Yeah, very good It’s scrotum size So basically, we look at scrotum size in relation to body weight So at one end of the scale, you’ve got the orangutan– big, hulking body, teeny little nuts– very paternal, very monogamous At the other end, you’ve got the chimpanzee I don’t think you can take a picture of a chimpanzee without showing his balls, they’re so big [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: Tiny, little, fast-moving body, huge, enormous gonads– very promiscuous So what do you think human beings are? We’re somewhere in the middle Because we have it all We have it all We have, some people would say, a system of perceived monogamy, or culturally imposed monogamy, or some natural– serial monogamy In fact, because our life is so long now, most people will see at least two very long term stints of monogamy in their life span When “till death do us part” was invented, death was pretty imminent [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: So we’ll probably see long stints of monogamy But, yeah So this is why, in America today, if we’re looking at paternal investment in one’s offspring, you are going to see a guy who’s only investment in his offspring is one teaspoon of sperm at the one end of the scale And at the other end of the scale, you’re going to see a baby-wearing, carpool-driving, softball-throwing, doting dad, and everything in between I happen to live in a neighborhood that’s a wonderful– I live in Playa Vista, a little bedroom community, and it’s filled with small children and babies And I would say that at least 30% are stay-at-home dads I don’t know if they are working from home offices But they line up those little strollers by the basketball courts in the morning– it’s pretty hysterical– and they get their game in I’m like, don’t let the ball hit the pink stroller, please OK, but I mentioned attachment My area of interest is an area of psychology called attachment theory It’s the ways human beings attach across a lifespan And specifically, the mass media talks about mother-infant attachment, father-infant attachment, because we know that that is the foundation for healthy personality development And it eventually translates into a healthy love relationship in adult life So a healthy attachment means that you’ve got caregivers who are responsive to a child’s needs, and they help create emotional intelligence, feelings of security When a baby is not stressing about when mom’s coming back or because their diaper is wet or they’re crying because they need food, guess what? They’re having this moment of quiet looking out into the world And their brain is growing synapses like crazy as they’re able to learn If a baby lives stressed, not feeling safe, they don’t grow as much in intelligence So attachment is primary It leads to intellectual intelligence, as I mentioned, less anxiety, depression, personality disorders Attachment is now being linked to so much stuff that’s happening later in life And more than anything, the thing I care about is that it becomes a blueprint for love that transfers eventually to adult relationships This is one of the pictures that was taken last week of this new tribe they found in Peru They’re all over Google right now They’re really great pictures This is what our biology is wired for, to live near nature And there’s a psychologist in Canada– I’m Canadian, so I love to quote this guy I think his book is called “Last Child in the Woods.” And he coined a new diagnosis that he calls Nature Deficit Disorder in children, and they are associating with ADD, ADHD, anxiety issues, et cetera So we’re meant to be surrounded by nature This is what our biology is wired for We’re meant to be with a very safe, secure group of not more than 30, 35 people And every once in awhile, you get a new hunter, or you meet with another band of 30, 35 people And you say, oh, that’s probably only my third cousin I think that’d be fine, right? And that’s how we made it This is what we are wired for But this is what our biology is responding to– crowded subways, crowded nightclubs, crowded digital worlds So imagine your biology now responding to all these objects, pheromones, cues that a new hunter has walked in, or you ventured on a new place with new young– but our biology is going crazy Because actually, sex with somebody who you weren’t related to was a trace nutrient in our anthropological past I make the comparison between the slow food movement Sugar, salt, and fat were vital but trace nutrients in our anthropological past Our smart corporations realize that we have an unsatiated craving for salt, sugar, and fat So they put it into absolutely everything to make us get addicted So the slow love movement, which I’m going to be talking to you about, is very much like the slow food movement Remember, this is what we’re wired for This was taken with a long range telescope And this is this new tribe in Peru that I can’t pronounce the name of This is really what we’re wired for And this is what we have This is what we need–

high nutrition relationships that are good for our biology, that are good for our psychology, and, more than anything, good for our offspring Of course, the answer is to charge the highest price for sex And that price is care and commitment I was holding a lot of focus groups for my book, because I pulled up all the research– and by the way, I didn’t start out to write a book called “The 30 Day Love Detox– don’t have sex for 30 days, or you’re going to break up.” I set out to write a book about Love 2.0, Love 3.0 I want to pull all the research and see what’s going on And the research spoke to me, and I started pulling in focus groups And that’s how I met Marty Thank you very much Marty was at one of my original focus groups when I was researching my book AUDIENCE: You knew me from somewhere WENDY WALSH: I pulled in groups of women, and I just asked them to talk to me about their dating lives and what was going on And what I discovered is that a lot of women– because we’re going back to the beginning now– who believe that we’re in this high supply sexual economy, where every guy’s a player and every woman should comply, are signing up for these low criteria relationships that don’t actually suit their biology A low criteria relationship is one where they text a lot They meet for dinner and sex every once in awhile Their families haven’t met They haven’t ever talked about a future And, oh, they forgot to mention sexual exclusivity So these are the low criteria relationships that are existing today And they work great for guys, by the way, with no fertility window, and it’s not a problem But to actually take the time– Now, here are the myths that I came up with that are really keeping people single The first is this idea that we talked about already, that the hookup culture is everywhere and everybody’s doing it It’s not The media is selling you products using sex and selling you reality shows using lots of hook-up sex to get your eyeballs there, because this was trace nutrients in our anthropological past This idea that women have sexual needs– women’s sexuality is very responsive, meaning that women’s biology gets geared up when they meet someone they’re interested in All of a sudden everything gets charged up and they get excited But when that interest goes away, everything calms down and gets suppressed for a while Women don’t tend to replace their boyfriend with pornography and masturbation That’s a guy thing Guys do that Women, it just goes away And then they meet someone else they’re interested in, and it all charges up again But what I hear a lot of women say today, because, again, they’ve been adopting a male model of sexuality, is, well, what about my needs? What about my sexual needs? Well, when you look at the research, plenty of women have sex because they’re actually looking– sometimes they have a desire to be desired Sometimes they just want closeness and companionship So the sexual act is something that they will do because they’re getting all those other things So when I hear about, what about my sexual needs? I always say, you know, guys are a little different Guys are wired to be a little more like basic plumbing– clean the pipes every once in a while And every guy’s different– sometimes it’s once a day, once a month, twice a week, whatever Everybody’s got their thing They use their girlfriend They use their hand They use their porn Did you know– I’m telling you guys this– one third of all content on the internet is porn Which is causing a whole other problem for guys, because, again, that’s junk food sex So it’s desensitizing them They’re having trouble with real, live, warm-bodied women Because it’s not a new visual stimulation What makes long term monogamy work is a very rich fantasy life And porn disables your fantasy life because you’re being fed new images all the time OK, this is the one that people always ask me about Well, what about sexual chemistry? You’ve got to make sure you’ve got that sexual chemistry Like somehow winning the husband lottery is what you’re trying to do If you just hit on enough, eventually you’ll go, oh! It’s perfect Well, actually, one study of more than 2,000 couples showed that the hotter the sexual chemistry early on, the worse the relationship outcomes– the more breakups, the more fighting Because sex is a trick What it does is your body is overwhelmed with hormones, and your neurotransmitters are on fire with excitement It’s not unlike heroin, in fact So while you’re on this heroin high of dopamine, [INAUDIBLE], you literally are not making decisions about whether this person would be a good partner for you You’re saying, they’re perfect because I’m orgasming They’re perfect I’m getting off It’s great And then, when your body starts to get accustomed to the dopamine hits, you go, oh, now who are they again? What was that about? And then you say, well, we just didn’t have chemistry, and you move on Actually, studies of long-term married people, and even arranged marriages, shows that sexual chemistry is something that’s fashioned It’s fashioned out of intimacy, emotional intimacy, where can actually say, here’s who I am I’m not necessarily part of the hook-up culture I’m part of this, or I like to do this, or I like to do that But if you don’t have emotional intimacy, you can’t even talk about it, right? And the last one, this idea that sex leads to love that I talk about

Sometimes for women, sex does lead to love But it rarely does for men You know what? Men don’t fall in love through sex Men fall in love through trust And because of the sexual double standard, they don’t really trust women who are easy So it’s a crazy catch-22 that women are being forced into And finally, this idea that promiscuity can be turned off Do you know how often I hear people say, look, I’m doing this for now, but when I settle down, I’m just going to settle down I would venture to say that every relationship you have in your life is a training ground for every relationship you’re going to have in your future And the only way to train for monogamy is to abstain or be monogamous, actually Because you’re setting yourself up for needing more variety of stimuli So I hope I’ve been able to explain to you how the slow love movement is a lot like the slow food movement When Carlos Petrini, the chef who started the slow food movement in Italy, when he saw the McDonald’s go up near the famous Spanish Steps in Rome and finally put his foot down and said, enough We will return to the family table We will have slow food We will not have mass-produced, high-technology food, and started this slow food movement And we’ve started to see little farmers’ markets crop up The beginning of that, they all thought we were nuts They thought we were a bunch of hippies, in the ’80s and ’90s, growing our food and being organic Well, now what do we know about nutrition? We realize that high-tech, mass-produced food is not what we should be taking into our body And the same thing with high-tech, mass-produced junk food sex Farmers’ markets, in my mind, equals the kind of close, emotional, loving, supportive intimacy that we want in our lives And so I came up with this idea of slow love Oh, and by the way, my book is called “The 30 Day Love Detox,” because one study I found showed that if you have sex within 30 days of meeting somebody, you’ve got about a 90% chance of being broken up within one year If you wait only 31 to 90 days, the stats go to about 25% that you’ll still be together But what does it mean? It means that you’re building some kind of friendship, some kind of connection before the onset of the heroin that you’re going to do So slow love– [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: –is about purging low nutrition relationships The other thing I’ve noticed that people do to satisfy themselves emotionally while they’re in one of those low criteria relationships, the one that’s just mostly text-based and meet for dinner and sex, is they keep their self-esteem by having a bunch of other partners online When I say partners, I mean potential partners They’ve got Facebook friends They’ve got Twitter They’ve kept in touch with their high school sweetheart They’ve got maybe ex They’ve got somebody at the office Part of purging low nutrition relationships includes purging all those digital relationships that are not really bringing you emotional sustenance And then delaying the onset of sex with a new partner– I could not find any research to show that waiting too long was too long Also for my book, I interviewed these born again virgins, men and women who decided to opt out of the high supply sexual economy and just say, mmm, it’s really not for me I’m going to wait until I find someone And I also interviewed former virgins who were now married, nursing babies One woman was a Harvard MBA Wall Street broker, and dressed sexy as anybody else And I said, hah! I wanted to know, how do you say no? How can you say no? You’re looking hot You’re going out on dates with same guys How can you, when the pressure comes on– and what I heard over and over from women is that when you are so sure inside yourself, men and women, that this is what you want for your health, that it’s really easy to say no Because you’re not even pressured that much But this one 25-year-old MBA virgin, I asked her, so what do you do when a guy says, oh, come on, I’m going to get it from somebody I might as well get it from you I mean, you know I’m going to go out there and get it So come on, you and I, we’ve been dating for a while And she said, oh, I love it when they say that I just say, actually, I don’t think you can get sex with me from someone else So the point is she values herself I know a college student girl who– the pressure line from the guy was, I don’t think I should have to work for sex And she said, I’m not sex I’m Sheryl Right? So it’s about understanding what’s going on and where you fit The other thing is to make sure that you are brave enough to ask for sexual exclusivity Isn’t it amazing that although, as I say, 20% percent of men may be able to obtain sex on a first date, 80% of women are smart enough not to expose their eggs and their bloodstream to somebody they wouldn’t even give the keys to their apartment to to water their plants while they’re out of town, right? So we get into these sexual relationships, and plenty of people are afraid to ask for exclusivity when STDs are running rampant in our culture It’s so simple to just ask The “what are we” conversation is so difficult for people to have And then, of course, to make sure you use the F word, which are “feelings.” How do you feel about this? What’s going on? And to practice intellectual commitment Now, what is intellectual commitment?

Love and sex are what happens at the beginning of a relationship But once all the hormones die down, then it becomes an intellectual commitment And that’s when I hear people say all the time, well, I want to keep my options open Or, I want to just– later I’ll be– and I’m just like, no, why don’t you make an intellectual commitment like you do in an exercise program, to a diet? See what happens See what you learn, even if you’re just practicing emotional intimacy Because here’s why It’s very well researched– long-term, monogamous bonded people actually have higher life expectancies They live longer AUDIENCE: How do you control? How do you be sure? WENDY WALSH: Do you know Dan Buettner’s work “The Blue Zones”? Anybody read “The Blue Zones”? It’s these five areas on the planet they call blue zones where a disproportionate amount of people live to be over the age of 100 And then he looks for commonalities between these five areas– and long-term married partners None of the men over 100 have been playboys They have like one wife taking care of them Actually, health-wise, monogomy benefits men more than women, believe it or not Women’s health goes down just a little bit, because they’re doing double duty Men tend to have much better health if they’re in a relationship Long-term married people of course accumulate more wealth Do you know how expensive divorce is? Or maintaining two houses with a baby mama and a bunch of kids? Or two baby mamas? Yeah Putting it all in one big pot and planning for the future Their offspring do a whole lot better I always say this to young men when I see them out at parties and stuff I go, OK, here’s a little quiz for you If your choice tonight is to hook up with five women and hope that three of them have your babies, and you never see them again, or you find one woman and stay with her for 20 years and two kids and put them through college, where are your genes going to be in five generations from now? Are your genes going to stay in evolution’s chain? I think this is the better way OK, I’ll close it with by the numbers Average lifetime number of sexual partners by gender– this is a new study for Centers for Disease Control that came out in 2009 Now, here’s what you should know AUDIENCE: This must be median WENDY WALSH: I’m sorry? AUDIENCE: The mean has to be equal WENDY WALSH: No Here’s why I love having bright people in the room [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: Even on anonymous sexual surveys, men lie up and women lie down AUDIENCE: Oh, so these are lies These aren’t actual– AUDIENCE: Reported WENDY WALSH: These are reported OK, yes, so your mean answer is five, right? It’s probably five This is a Centers for Disease Control study of more than 6,000 people And this is age 18 to 44 So it’s not over– middle age is not encompassed there And by the way, anything I’ve talked about today, please feel free to contact me I’ve got all the references and the studies if you want to look into them a little further And they’re all in my reference section of my book, too I think some of you are going to get a copy of the book OK, so now I want you to understand that if the mean is 5, the number of people who have had sex with more than 15 people is 27% men and 10% women Again, men lie up and brag, women lie down So I don’t know, maybe it’s 15%, 17% Yeah So that’s also pulling that number, that 6 and 4 That still brings in that 27% of men who have 15 or more So even to say that the average lifetime partners is 5 for men is even a little high AUDIENCE: Do you think the men with a lot of sexual partners actually lie down, and the average lie up? WENDY WALSH: That’s a good point But in general, the way our culture is, men tend to over– yeah, but you’re right So you’re saying, once they hit a certain point, even they know that, culturally, having 300 partners is not cool [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: So they’ll start to take it to 30, right? But my favorite study is the number of men who would prefer a romantic date over a hook up is 75% Women are always surprised by this number Is there any man in this room who can help explain to the women why this number is this number? Is there any man who would prefer a romantic date to a hook-up in this room? AUDIENCE: One is very– it’s over, and that’s it WENDY WALSH: And so a romantic date could lead to– [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: –well consistent, frequent sex It also could lead to all the other things– a relationship Oh, God forbid It could actually lead to all the social support that you need, that accumulation of wealth, the better health, and everything else So even men like romance and like slow love But women feel that somehow– in fact, when that population of women who’ve adopted the male model of sexuality, they’re actually not adopting a male model of sexuality They’re adopting the three-percenter Because that’s what they know That’s been the most obvious to them So if you love better, you can actually live better And there’s all my contact And let’s start with some questions [APPLAUSE]

AUDIENCE: Thanks so much for this talk It was very, very interesting Thanks, Marty, for putting this together I had one comment and one question My comment is I used to teach sex health in college And I feel like so many students would benefit from seeing these numbers when they first enter into college Because as you said, the media’s totally off And I grew up watching “Friends” before going to college, and I was like, oh, everybody’s just in bed with each other all the time [LAUGHS] WENDY WALSH: I actually have an answer of how you all can help me with that Marty very kindly has a camera here for a reason I’m going to use part of this as an audition tape for NACA, National Association of Campus Activities, to audition to get on the college circuit So I should put a link up If anyone emails me any quote about this talk that’s positive, I’ll put it on my flyer Yeah, I’ll put anything you can give me positive And you’re always welcome to go and refer me for a TED Talk, just saying [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: It’s online You just fill it in Go ahead What’s your question? AUDIENCE: And then another thing– you refer to the whole economic background of this I definitely believe it’s an exchange, and there’s lots of sex economics going on But I think a major part of economics is understanding the marginal utilities and being open about your functions So I feel like everybody might not be within these numbers or these ranges or anything like that But I think a very important thing along with slow love is just open and honest love, like from the beginning– WENDY WALSH: Exactly! AUDIENCE: What you’re looking for, what you want Sometimes the men want something that traditionally a woman would want Sometimes the woman wants something– WENDY WALSH: Yeah, I think there are as many men who are afraid to say, I want a relationship AUDIENCE: Yeah Yeah, and I think you can have completely healthy hook-up relationships where a woman gets what she needs because that’s what she needs at that given time But what she needs might change later on WENDY WALSH: And then, unfortunately, it sometimes biologically changes because of the biological changes that happen– either she’s starting to feel bonded because of the– I interviewed so many people for this book And some of them said, here’s the thing about hook-ups It always starts out fun, until somebody gets hurt Because eventually, one person likes the other person more AUDIENCE: Yeah And that’s, I think, when maybe you’re not being honest to yourself about how your utility function has changed WENDY WALSH: Yeah, the first person to be honest with is yourself AUDIENCE: Yeah Yeah, so I think it would be really cool, how you built the basic economic thing, if you extrapolate out to how people’s functions can be different and how they change over a lifetime, and how what you look for is different, and that might lead to serial monogamy and that kind of thing WENDY WALSH: The two times where men and women need each other the most are when they are raising offspring who are very small children, the zero to 10, or zero to to 12, and my age, as we get older, and we’re looking for companionship to settle down with, as health problems start to happen AUDIENCE: Thank you WENDY WALSH: Thanks AUDIENCE: Any other questions? AUDIENCE: What effect do you think STDs had in early human sexual development? WENDY WALSH: Well, I’m only guessing, but I would say that in the early sexual development, STDs– because, again, these are small populations of people So if they came like any other disease, if they came through, they wiped out a group Remember, at one point there were 27 humanoid species living together, and some of them mixing and mating even So that’s even separate from the other four primate species So plenty of them got knocked out along the way as we zeroed down into one And STDs were one way Lots of other diseases, too AUDIENCE: So how did that affect how people are now? WENDY WALSH: So you’re thinking it might have most knocked out the people who were the most promiscuous? Is that your guess? AUDIENCE: I don’t know if that’s true Maybe WENDY WALSH: I don’t know Does that sound like it could have been? I think that if we stayed too 100% monogamous– although, there are plenty of species that are 100% monogamous, and they tend to procreate and do just fine But I think what was important for humans is that we had the three-percenter who wandered so that we could mix up the gene pool as much as possible You know about the Swiss t-shirt study, right? The smelling of pheromones? OK, so the Swiss t-shirt study is where they put a bunch of men and asked them to sleep in the same– they each had their own– t-shirt every night for 14 nights And then they put it in a Ziploc bag every morning to lock in the freshness And at the end of a couple weeks, they had a panel of women just smell the t-shirts And what they found is, the pheromones that the women found most attractive were those that had the most disparate immune systems Because when you mate with somebody, you take one gene from another and another from another, so that you’ve got blue eyes from one, and long legs from another, and brown hair from another, et cetera Except immune systems– they combine So we can actually sniff out when people have immune systems that are too similar to us That’s why our brothers smell so nasty to us Honestly, they do I remember growing up, thinking, guys, take a shower But I didn’t notice it with other guys And what else was I going to say about STDs? So in the same sense, I think along the way, people have been using all kinds of ways to attract mates separate and

aside from just visual Visual’s a big one for men And women most vote for intelligence and kindness over looks, by the way, you guys So don’t worry about your hair or worry about how funny you are Because it’s connected to intelligence, too AUDIENCE: You could have funny hair WENDY WALSH: You could have funny hair That would be great [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: Anyway– AUDIENCE: Any other questions? AUDIENCE: You said that a lot of the stuff that you say is not politically correct, which is probably like the understatement of the– WENDY WALSH: [LAUGHS] AUDIENCE: Do you have the Women’s Studies department parked out across your office with torches and forks WENDY WALSH: The true feminists understand that true feminine, female sexual freedom is to have choice And I don’t actually say there’s one right way to do anything I can give you statistical probabilities I can tell you a little bit about your biology By the way, the more sexual partners a man has had, the more likely he is to perceive diminished attractiveness in each new mate So it’s a race to the bottom for him Every new woman rolls over easy, it disappoints him This was a big study out of UCLA The more sexual partners a woman has had, the more likely she is to be on an antidepressant Now, it could be working in reverse Depressed women could be using sex to self-medicate We don’t necessarily assume causality there But we look at all this, and we look at the picture of what’s going on, and we listen to our own bodies, our own souls, and we ask for what nutrition is out there I wrote a blog a couple– and you’re all welcome to subscribe to my blog I send out a weekly newsletter AUDIENCE: Or your YouTube channel WENDY WALSH: My YouTube channel, of course! I wrote a blog about how I really have this new, enlightened thinking that the Muslim hijab is actually a great act of female sexual freedom Because I spent a month in London I talked to a lot of Muslim women, these young, hot girls working at Starbucks with their hijab And I would just talk to them about who they were, and very modern And they said, listen, you guys think you’ve got female sexual freedom, and you are doing Brazilian waxes, vajazziling, bleaching your anus, all to please men and the porn industry? Like, that’s female sexual freedom? And I looked at them, and I thought, you know what? This whole idea of choosing to be modest, nothing put on them– nobody says on Oxford Street, you’ve got to wear a hijab, right? So the choice to be modest is power It’s female power And there was a feminist who I quoted in my blog who said, bearing your breasts on YouTube isn’t necessarily female power Neither is wearing a hijab What’s female power is being able to have the choice And that’s freedom, to understand all the various choices available to you AUDIENCE: So you answered the question of why it is that feminists should not be angry with you WENDY WALSH: Oh, but are some of them angry? AUDIENCE: I don’t think you’re politically incorrect I think, from a woman’s standpoint, you’re spot on, actually WENDY WALSH: I think teaching women to understand their biology and respect it and empower them to live out their biology is good I do have a few women, usually the undergraduates at the university level who are very pro-fem, they’ll walk out the back I’ll watch them go, [SIGHS], close their books, and walk out And then there’ll be a few that’ll stay later for the chitchat who will be like, so I’ve been hooking up with this guy for a while, thought he was my boyfriend And I just saw on Facebook that my friend slept with him, and– [PRETENDS TO CRY] [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: I’m like, did you ever have a talk with him about exclusivity? So it’s just a matter of being authentic with ourselves and our feelings and being able to talk to people I know you guys are in the tech business, and it’s all about [TYPING NOISES] now But I do say that when you have a relationship with somebody by text, whether it’s business, whatever relationship, it’s like listening to your favorite band without the drummer or the lead singer So you’re missing a lot When we communicate, we have visual We have body language You’ve got vocal tone You’re smelling me We’ve got pheromones Your brain is taking in so much information right now But when you’re [TYPING NOISES], you’re actually putting yourself on That’s why people fall into catfishes Because they are projecting their own needs, loves, and desires on to the computer And they get just enough back that they think it’s real AUDIENCE: Can you talk a little bit more about– you were saying women aren’t allowing themselves to be mothers I think that’s a very complex– so there’s socially we’ve changed Biologically we haven’t changed All the women who are graduating ahead of men, we go for our careers, and then– WENDY WALSH: I know exactly what you’re saying OK, right now, there’s a book you have to read that I love called “Reshaping the Work Family Debate– Why Men and Social Class Matter.” It’s by Joan– ah– up at UC Hastings law school OK, she wrote this amazing book, saying, our problem is right now we are not preparing women for motherhood

We have failed them in our push to push girls forward and push girls into higher education I have a high school-age girl In ninth grade, they sent them out a college application, told the kids to fill it out, look for the holes, and start filling them in in the next three years My kid is 15 years old She has no interest in going to hang out in the mall and pick out boys She wants to go tour colleges on every vacation we take I’m like, you’ve got to stop You’ve got to have fun You’ve got to be a teenager AUDIENCE: And globalization– WENDY WALSH: Right, they’re pushing these girls, pushing these girls like crazy She’s all concerned about her GPA, and she’s crying in the bathtub if it’s not 4.0 And I’m like, stop AUDIENCE: And boys, too WENDY WALSH: Go smoke some weed and meet a boy Yeah, exactly [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: But honestly, I never thought as a mother that I’d be thinking that to my daughter I didn’t say it I’m thinking it I’ve also said to my daughter, listen, I know you watch “Teen Mom” on MTV– and by the way, my friend Jared in the back– Jared and Jordan, the two J’s– produce for MTV They do the VMAs and they produce “Teen Mom.” and I was like, listen, to my daughter, if you watch teen mom, and you have a teenage pregnancy, you are so going to be grounded And I’m so going to take that baby Because I’m afraid– the whole problem here is– I’m not going to get to be a grandmother That’s really what it’s about, OK? So the answer is, if you look at more developed countries like us, like Sweden and Iceland, they have very powerful women They have more babies born out of wedlock But what they have are the social supports that we don’t have here The problem is this– the single mother walk– we don’t have the social supports advanced enough So the single mother walk is a hard one I’m in it I’ve been single for eight years; I’ve got two kids Let me tell you, single mothers in America today have their own worse mental health, worse physical health Their kids have worse physical health Their kids have lower academic grades, earlier onset of sexual behavior, and more sex, drugs, rock and roll, basically, OK? We do not have any social support So when I see the government trying to push this whole bill to provide preschools, at least that’s some child care 14 million single mothers are raising one in four American children right now– one in four And it’s only going up, because women are not choosing marriage, or men are not using marriage, or their children have divorced, themselves We have a second generation now of divorced people who are terrified of it So the answer is a very complicated one that has to not only involve personal decision, not only in how we raise our girls, but also in looking at our culture as a whole, and what we can do to support single parent families, whether it be a man or a woman raising the kids Yeah? AUDIENCE: It’s tough You know, you’re asking women to basically look to try to have babies at 25, 26, 27, 28 But for men who are ready, who are genetically– WENDY WALSH: Interestingly enough, research shows that a girl who has a baby during college or right after college takes less of a financial hit than if she takes a big time off at 35 Because she’s not making much then And she’s young enough to hop back on the treadmill When you’re 35 and you’re making $250,000 a year and you take two years off to stay with the baby, it’s a whole different thing AUDIENCE: And also you’re commitments– you’re paying a much higher mortgage at that point WENDY WALSH: Everything, yeah It’s so much harder Exactly AUDIENCE: But then coming back into it at the age– WENDY WALSH: I’ll tell you, one of the changes we can make right away– everybody in this culture stop using the word “maternity leave.” It’s paternal leave It’s paternity– or sorry, it’s parental leave Sorry As soon as we call it parental leave and men get into the game and think they have equal access to these benefits, then– AUDIENCE: Google has a great maternity leave WENDY WALSH: But what about the guy who wants to stay home and take care of the kids? And what if she wants to charge back? Until it becomes gender equal, until the care of children becomes gender equal and it’s instituted at the corporate level, then– I’m Canadian So in Canada, you get a year off, father or mother, paid at 80% of your salary Because they have socialized medicine, and they’ve learned that if you breastfeed those babies, you reduce your health care costs by so much AUDIENCE: I know, but that makes sense, you see WENDY WALSH: Yeah, there’s a number AUDIENCE: That makes sense, so we’re not going to do it You’re trying to make sense– WENDY WALSH: Oh, of course! We don’t want to make sense OK Sorry? AUDIENCE: I just don’t see Americans ever getting there Drug companies alone WENDY WALSH: But you guys have the power You’re our future You’re young Americans who have a voice, you’re out there [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: [LAUGHS] OK, I got a peer over here I’m still older than you, I promise AUDIENCE: I wouldn’t bet WENDY WALSH: I would bet How old are you? AUDIENCE: 51 WENDY WALSH: Oh, we’re peers I’m 51, too [LAUGHING] AUDIENCE: We’ll hook up later WENDY WALSH: OK [LAUGHING] WENDY WALSH: Exactly AUDIENCE: Dr. Walsh, thank you so much for being here today That’s for you And guys, if you want your book signed, we have some Sharpies in the back I think we might have run out of books

But thank you guys so much for coming And thanks for joining us WENDY WALSH: Do I get a Google t-shirt? Oh, yay! [APPLAUSE]