BETH HOYT: What is– so thi– you like– you just– like– Is that right? [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Hi, guys I’m Beth Hoyt This is “My Damn Channel Live,” the holiday episode Santa Claus couldn’t make it But you’ll see a new “Super Amazing Project” video The hilarious Chris Gethard is our guest And later, we get to chat with Grace We’re taking a lot of your input from the chat today, so get in there We’ll take questions and comments and holiday observations and cookie ideas I love the holidays It’s the most wonderful time of the year It’s the season of perpetual hope Do you know what that’s from? It’s a movie It’s the best movie of all time It’s “Home Alone.” And then she goes, and I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son And then John Candy saves her And they go on the freezing truck Now it’s time to start our holiday classic of a show First up is an exclusive video from DanIsNotOnFire and AmazingPhil of “Super Amazing Project.” Let’s watch it DANISNOTONFIRE: Hello, people watching live AMAZINGPHIL: Hello I hope you’re actually watching us live, and you didn’t just minimize us in some tab while you’re browsing Tumblr DANISNOTONFIRE: Come back! AMAZINGPHIL: We have naked elves DANISNOTONFIRE: Do we? AMAZINGPHIL: Well, no, but I had to get their attention somehow DANISNOTONFIRE: Well, worked for me We are DanIsNotOnFire and AmazingPhil from “The Super Amazing Project.” Yay AMAZINGPHIL: Yay And as Christmas is on the way, one of my favorite things about Christmas is ugly jumpers DANISNOTONFIRE: Definitely AMAZINGPHIL: Or sweaters, if you’re an American DANISNOTONFIRE: That’s what we’s going to be talking about today AMAZINGPHIL: Yeah, but the biggest thing with me is, are they ugly? Or are they actually a form of art? DANISNOTONFIRE: I think there’s a certain charm to ugly sweaters But there are some that, in my opinion, just cross the line So we have nosedived into one of our favorite blogs, “[BLEEP] Yeah, Ugly Sweaters.” And we have brought you some of the best slash worst ever things AMAZINGPHIL: But wait, Dan Something’s missing [FINGERS SNAPPING] AMAZINGPHIL: That’s better DANISNOTONFIRE: And we are dressed appropriately AMAZINGPHIL: Yeah OK, let’s get going DANISNOTONFIRE: Ooh, god AMAZINGPHIL: Is that some kind of Sonic the Hedgehog mixed with Felix the Cat? DANISNOTONFIRE: I– no, no Just no AMAZINGPHIL: I want it DANISNOTONFIRE: Oh, ho ho Yes AMAZINGPHIL: I need it DANISNOTONFIRE: Yes, Tintin jumper Yes Seal of approval AMAZINGPHIL: Anything with Tintin on is acceptable in my mind DANISNOTONFIRE: Ugly as hell, but good Oh, god I can’t decide AMAZINGPHIL: They’re staring into my soul DANISNOTONFIRE: That– yeah, that’s absolutely [BLEEP] terrifying AMAZINGPHIL: Yep DANISNOTONFIRE: But I think I like it AMAZINGPHIL: I don’t like that the guy wearing it has got his pretentious shirt done up to the top DANISNOTONFIRE: Raw fashion No, if you’re wearing that, then don’t even try to look cool AMAZINGPHIL: No DANISNOTONFIRE: Ooph, jesus AMAZINGPHIL: Wow DANISNOTONFIRE: Oh, my god My nightmares aren’t as scary as that AMAZINGPHIL: If you open a bottle to another dimension, that is the first thing you see DANISNOTONFIRE: That beyond LSD-induced nightmares That is just a whole other– No Burn it Burn it AMAZINGPHIL: That’s a good one DANISNOTONFIRE: OK, I kind of like that one Monstrous That’s the sort of thing that’s probably not done ironically or in a hipster-y way That is just a real thing AMAZINGPHIL: Whoever knitted that zebra needs to not knit zebras again DANISNOTONFIRE: Eew! AMAZINGPHIL: Ugh! DANISNOTONFIRE: No, I think it’s supposed to be moon walking Michael Jackson AMAZINGPHIL: That’s terrible DANISNOTONFIRE: But that just reminds me of some kind of weird Word Art You know when you go into Microsoft Word and do Word Art, and then you get to like the depths of Word Art, when you’re just looking at weird things that someone made in the ’90s That’s that, and I don’t like it AMAZINGPHIL: I don’t like it Cats! DANISNOTONFIRE: Yes! AMAZINGPHIL: Yeah, I’d wear that DANISNOTONFIRE: Yes! Yes! Every yes AMAZINGPHIL: Ugh DANISNOTONFIRE: Oh, blegh! Blegh! AMAZINGPHIL: He’s a cool dude DANISNOTONFIRE: Oh, my frick Oh, that is– oh, my god That is from a time period where that was acceptable AMAZINGPHIL: It looks like a mistake I have finally one that I just found DANISNOTONFIRE: OK Oh, god That is the best thing I’ve ever seen AMAZINGPHIL: The ultimate jumper DANISNOTONFIRE: Oh, my god AMAZINGPHIL: I mean– DANISNOTONFIRE: I would kill people for that So, I hope this has been pretty inspirational and conclusive AMAZINGPHIL: So are you excited for the big C? DANISNOTONFIRE: I think that’s cancer, Phil AMAZINGPHIL: Is that? Oh DANISNOTONFIRE: Oh, my god AMAZINGPHIL: What do you mean, cancer? DANISNOTONFIRE: But yes I hope that you have all enjoyed this And we will be wearing our sweaters on Christmas Day, I can imagine AMAZINGPHIL: And you can actually join us on “The Super Amazing Project” on the 24th, which is Christmas Eve DANISNOTONFIRE: For a super exciting Christmas episode So make sure y’all check that out Back to you guys in the studio AMAZINGPHIL: Bye BETH HOYT: Thanks, Dan and Phil I’m joined now by Nate NATE: Hey, Beth BETH HOYT: Hi, Nate NATE: Oh, man I just want to say, though, I– just watching that video of Dan and Phil– one, I would totally be into that moonwalk sweater BETH HOYT: Yeah, that one’s cool NATE: Yeah, although it seemed like it might be a zip-up, which would be a bit of a deal breaker BETH HOYT: That’s a deal breaker for you? NATE: I think– BETH HOYT: It’s easier NATE: That’s the deal breaker? Mmm, zip-up sweaters are weird if it’s not, like, a hoodie BETH HOYT: It has a man moonwalking on it It’s like– NATE: That’s true So again, I don’t know why they hate it And two, that “Star Wars” one I just realized, I’m going to this thing this weekend where, like, we basically watch the entirety of the “Star Wars” holiday special without interruption And it’s like really awful And that seems like the perfect awful attire for it So I wish I could get it BETH HOYT: Yeah, you need that NATE: Oh, my gosh BETH HOYT: Also, I love that they call them jumpers NATE: Yeah, that’s– BETH HOYT: And if– what if, like, we, the way we think of
jumpers, which is like the jumpsuit, like the– the overalls If you had, like, bad jumpers, really, that’d be like the worst article of clothing NATE: Oh, my god Yeah BETH HOYT: If there’s like a bad-patterned jumper NATE: It would be atrocious BETH HOYT: I want that Also, I think I wore that one with the purple flowers in middle school Definitely owned that It was like kind of a mock turtleneck sweater It was the worst NATE: Was that yours? You get that new? BETH HOYT: Maybe that was like my– my actual picture of mine I made the video! That’s great Bad fashion in the Midwest Also, during their video, I realized that we’re not even properly dressed for our show– NATE: No, not at all BETH HOYT: –which is so embarrassing Nate and I both helped each other make a holiday sweater for the party on the show today We filmed it We put them on our channels yesterday It was fun, right, Nate? NATE: Yeah, it was great, except it was a little scary BETH HOYT: Why? We learned that we have different tactics NATE: Beth is dangerous in the craft zones BETH HOYT: Listen, there’s sharp scissor There’s extremely hot glue There’s the rapid pace of inspiration It’s not a DIY if someone doesn’t gets hurt NATE: That’s not a phrase BETH HOYT: Well, luckily no one got really hurt during my sweater-making And you can see the full version where I give Nate an acting lesson on “Beth In Show.” But let’s get some real, like, Project Runway behind-the-scenes looks at my sweater [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Hello! We’re making a holiday sweater And Nate is here This is Nate You might recognize him from “My Damn Channel Live”– NATE: Hi BETH HOYT: –or his vlog, “OkayNate.” NATE: Mmm hmm BETH HOYT: Let me see I’m just gonna– NATE: Oh, but aren’t you wearing the sweater? BETH HOYT: I want– I need to look at it, how it’s going to look NATE: Oh, OK BETH HOYT: Can you name all of the reindeer? NATE: Gosh Put me on the spot Let’s see I watched enough Oh, whoa, no, no Beth BETH HOYT: Oh, glue gun NATE: Yeah BETH HOYT: All right OK We’ll just start with– NATE: Whoops BETH HOYT: Can you just put this on for me, Nate? NATE: Let me just take this off, too BETH HOYT: Watch it NATE: Sorry BETH HOYT: That looks great It’s kind of um– NATE: Can I keep it, then? It looks pretty good BETH HOYT: It’s boxy Absolutely not NATE: Mmm, oh BETH HOYT: So we’re just going to start gluing these on– NATE: Dasher BETH HOYT: Yup, there you go NATE: Um, Dancer Prancer There was a movie about Prancer, right? [MUSIC PLAYING] NATE: They made me watch it in, like, elementary school They would put it on BETH HOYT: Oh, to torture you? Nate, have you ever recycled a, um, a gift? NATE: Uh, I got a “How To Kazoo” book once [MUSIC PLAYING] NATE: I don’t know if I re-gifted it so much as just gave it to someone BETH HOYT: That’s like the perfect white elephant gift NATE: What have you ever gotten people for white elephant? BETH HOYT: Well, last night I went to a white elephant party and I got– I– I bought a vibrator [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: And it was a very popular gift Nate, what’s in that coffee cup? NATE: Jameson BETH HOYT: Mm hmm I drive Nate to the– to the whiskey Oo, also, I want to do this guy NATE: Whoa, OK BETH HOYT: Watch out I’m poking a hole through your heart NATE: Ahh BETH HOYT: I have a master plan Excuse me Excuse me while I reach right in there This is a 3D sweater NATE: I just think of, like, the movie where I’m just sitting there, like, and it’s like– [GAGGING NOISE] NATE: Uhh! [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Nate, your idea of holiday cheer is so different from mine Guess where we’re going to use these? NATE: On my head? BETH HOYT: On your tits NATE: Oh! BETH HOYT: This is when I really need the stapler NATE: Oh, god OK BETH HOYT: Oo, Nate, what’s your favorite Christmas movie? NATE: Oh, man. “Die Hard.” [MUSIC PLAYING] NATE: What? BETH HOYT: Hand me that NATE: It’s a Christmas movie BETH HOYT: So the final step Originality, glamour, and glitz, and lots of flare So we’re just going to go like this Um, mm, excuse me I’m just going to reach around here and tuck that in there And then around here And that’s like that Smile big, Nate Ta-dah! NATE: You’ll definitely get noticed BETH HOYT: You look fabulous NATE: Do you need to carry around an extension cord with you for this to work? BETH HOYT: Ooph I’m hot NATE: You’re hot? BETH HOYT: That’s best He’s overheated He’s overheated [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Wow And here she is, you guys I think I lost a few of the pop corns in the transfer But she’s still pretty NATE: It’s also crisscrossing a little bit, but– BETH HOYT: OK, there we go NATE: Yeah BETH HOYT: Wa-ya-yay-ang NATE: It’s so pretty and full of holiday spirit BETH HOYT: It sure is Nate, let’s talk about your sweater NATE: Oh, yeah So I’ve never actually decorated an ugly holiday sweater, or a regular holiday sweater, or really decorated a Christmas tree, because my mom kind of takes over that stuff And so I decided to do a Christmas tree sweater BETH HOYT: OK, Nate NATE: Yeah BETH HOYT: Let’s– I mean, no, let’s watch “OkayNate.” NATE: Sure [MUSIC PLAYING] NATE: Hey, guys This is Nate And Beth is here with me today BETH HOYT: Hello! NATE: She is going to help me make a holiday sweater, because I have never done that before BETH HOYT: Can you believe it? NATE: Beth is so radiating Christmas cheer– BETH HOYT: It’s true NATE: –that she is going to help me do this BETH HOYT: I’m an expert Have you used one of these before? NATE: Uh, no BETH HOYT: This is going to be fun NATE: But since I’ve never decorated a Christmas before, either, I thought we could do two-in-one So this will be a Christmas tree sweater BETH HOYT: That’s a great idea NATE: This seems, like, kind of tree-like, right? BETH HOYT: Yeah, we’ll put it right over the lamp NATE: Yeah It just looks like some sort of creepy Muppet BETH HOYT: Or it looks like a– like a saggy-boobed grandma
A ’50s style bra NATE: This is a classy sweater These ornaments are definitely a great start BETH HOYT: Great start NATE: Get them on here This won’t be a nipple when we’re done We always do Christmas at my aunt’s house And she has like a 10-foot tall tree Do you go anywhere, or do you usually stay at your parents’ place when you do Christmas? BETH HOYT: Go to my parents My family’s kind of spread out, so we don’t have, like, the drive over to my aunt’s house It’s like– So we stay at my house So we’ve never had a 10-foot tree That’s awesome NATE: Yeah And also, my aunt lives like 14 houses down from my mom and dad’s So it’s like, if you get fed up with the family, you can just leave But we never do BETH HOYT: Because you don’t get fed up? Or because it’s rude? NATE: My cousin has now started a tradition where she has a pickle ornament And she hides it somewhere in the tree And then we have to go find it And every year it’s like trying to get the best time to find this pickle I’m going to start my own tradition and just move it around every year BETH HOYT: Move the pickle around on your sweater? NATE: Yes! BETH HOYT: That’s great NATE: Are you kidding me? BETH HOYT: The same pickle? NATE: I don’t know Do pickles last forever? I mean, they’re pickled This is now my family You have to know the answer to this I bet you $5 on the table BETH HOYT: I can’t handle the pressure NATE: Welcome to my Christmas! Welcome to my Christmas! Where do we hide it, then? Armpit? BETH HOYT: Hide it in the armpit, hide it in the armpit NATE: Armpit pickle! OK, that’s great BETH HOYT: You’re like, smell my armpit This is essential NATE: Do you know what this– is there like a meaning behind this or is this just something cool to put on a tree? BETH HOYT: Tradition began by people being like, we need snacks closer to the tree And then they, um– they had– she was sewing so she had a needle and thread And she had a pop– bowl of popcorn And the– her name is Betsy Ross And she um– she started it And she– NATE: The same one BETH HOYT: And theretofore, it is a tradition NATE: This is like putting an American flag on my sweater, now BETH HOYT: Well, don’t tell anyone NATE: OK BETH HOYT: It’s a– it’s a– NATE: I will keep it a secret You guys keep it a secret, too Finishing touches, now Christmas lights BETH HOYT: So essential [GASP] NATE: Yes! This is– looks great BETH HOYT: Nate, you did a great job Your first Christmas tree and Christmas sweater decorating NATE: But you were a great teacher, Beth I’ll see you next time BETH HOYT: Where are you going? NATE: It’s– it’s what I do You just going to stay? BETH HOYT: No [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Wow, Nate It’s like you’ve made decorations your whole life NATE: I feel like I’ve been decorating my whole life now, after the one BETH HOYT: It’s been a crafty two days Let’s take a look at your sweater Can you bring it out for us? OK Oh my gosh, you guys Look who it is NATE: Uh oh BETH HOYT: Guys, I am proud to introduce to you a hilarious comedian, author, and star of the “Chris Gethard Show.” It’s Chris Gethard, you guys Low five CHRIS GETHARD: Hi BETH HOYT: Oh, nope NATE: Nope BETH HOYT: Yes CHRIS GETHARD: Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk Someone in that– in your chat room told me I should say that first So I’m going to say it Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk BETH HOYT: I love it That’s a good catch phrase So first of all, thank you for bringing in Nate’s sweater CHRIS GETHARD: My pleasure BETH HOYT: And thanks for being here NATE: It’s still got the– BETH HOYT: Oh, the pickle’s still there? This is good news It’s also really good, Chris, because– that you’re here We noticed, when you showed up today that you weren’t wearing a holiday sweater CHRIS GETHARD: No, not at all BETH HOYT: Which is fine I know you’re so busy He’s a busy guy But luckily, we have an extra one And we are like experts at DIY-ing now CHRIS GETHARD: OK BETH HOYT: As of yesterday So we can help you– CHRIS GETHARD: Is that– Is DIY-ing a phrase? BETH HOYT: Do it yourself Do-it-yourselfing CHRIS GETHARD: I’m aware of the concept of it But is that– is it like a– BETH HOYT: It’s a phrase CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, it’s a verb now, OK BETH HOYT: Yeah, it’s a– it’s a verb CHRIS GETHARD: OK NATE: Yeah CHRIS GETHARD: I’ll make a Christmas sweater BETH HOYT: Um, who got all these leftover– CHRIS GETHARD: Glue gun! BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah I love that thing CHRIS GETHARD: That’s awesome First thing’s first NATE: Go buckwild with that BETH HOYT: Do you just like glue and then the stuff? Do you um– CHRIS GETHARD: I feel like glue will be my main decoration NATE: Kind of start as mine, until it didn’t hold up too great BETH HOYT: Let’s get rid of this Do you– do you want to have like a theme? Or do you want to just go for it? CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know Like, is Christmas the theme? Or do we want like Christmas plus something else as the theme? BETH HOYT: It’s your sweater CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: I think that you should have it plus something Like– CHRIS GETHARD: First thing I’m just going to do is just spray hot glue all over your studio BETH HOYT: Yeah CHRIS GETHARD: I think that’s a good start BETH HOYT: We have some backup of those NATE: I don’t know if anyone would notice if you did, though, to be honest CHRIS GETHARD: No, I didn’t mean like the floor I just mean I’m going to start dropping it all over this BETH HOYT: It smells so good CHRIS GETHARD: And we’ll start there BETH HOYT: Don’t you guys love it? It smells like burnt hair I like it CHRIS GETHARD: It does NATE: Chris, do you have like any like family holiday tradition kind of stuff that you do? CHRIS GETHARD: Do I have any family holiday tradition? NATE: Yeah, I don’t know I read your book, and it’s like I know you were talking about like how your grandpa would like fuck with you and stuff I was wondering if he ever did anything around– CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, my grandfather was an insane person He was put in an insane asylum for awhile BETH HOYT: Wow CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know if I– did I mention that in the book, that he was in a literal insane asylum? NATE: I don’t think– I don’t know if you did BETH HOYT: Was he into the holidays? CHRIS GETHARD: He was not into the holidays He was a fearful man who stayed in his house for about 11 straight years I didn’t see him NATE: Oh, right CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you for bringing him up, though Thanks for bringing that up immediately BETH HOYT: Happy holidays CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Holiday traditions is mostly, you know, just try not to kill each other and to try not to fight my brother BETH HOYT: That’s a good one for you kids at home CHRIS GETHARD: We’re both grownups We should get past that BETH HOYT: Do you, um– what are you doing this year? CHRIS GETHARD: This year, my family, my mom– oh, this is going to get immediately sad BETH HOYT: What if they stay together? NATE: Oh, c’mon CHRIS GETHARD: My mom told me not to come over for Christmas this year BETH HOYT: Oh NATE: What? CHRIS GETHARD: My brother’s not coming And then my mom was like, we might get out of town if you don’t come And I was like, no, I’ll come I’ll make the drive They just moved five hours away They’ve always lived like half an hour away And I was like, it’s five hours
But it’s Christmas I’ll hang out And she’s like, no Don’t– like don’t do it NATE: Oh, man CHRIS GETHARD: So I’m going to be alone on Christmas So I think I’m going to go see “Django Unchained.” BETH HOYT: Yeah, that sounds like a great Christmas And that’s what a lot of people are doing CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah? BETH HOYT: Guys, do you have things to say that can cheer Chris up? Here’s a comment from YouTube This is the from ohno chromak– “Gethard.” This is going to get worse and worse “What’s the worst gift you ever gave?” Oh, you ever gave CHRIS GETHARD: In high school, my high school girlfriend, which I had I had one BETH HOYT: We all- we’ve all believe– we believe you CHRIS GETHARD: I did It took awhile My senior year, I had a girlfriend And she had this– BETH HOYT: Can I write something on it with this? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, yea Go for it Feel free to write on my– I’m literally just using hot glue That’s my only decoration NATE: But you don’t want to add anything else with the hot glue? Just a pattern? CHRIS GETHARD: No I think it’s just a pattern of hot glue will be my sweater BETH HOYT: Oh, well, I don’t want to spoil it CHRIS GETHARD: I had this high school girlfriend And she had these three friends And they called themselves the bitches That was the name of their crew And then I got her a t-shirt that said, hello, my name is Bitch And I thought that was like super innovative, and, like, I was playing into her bit And she hated it so much BETH HOYT: Oh CHRIS GETHARD: Like hate isn’t a strong enough word It was the worst gift I ever made BETH HOYT: Did you– did you relationship survive that gift? CHRIS GETHARD: We dated for three more years And she also gave me a really bad gift, too NATE: What’d she give you? CHRIS GETHARD: I once– BETH HOYT: What if she gave you the same gift? CHRIS GETHARD: There was once a commercial– BETH HOYT: Oh, my god Are we going to start? This is like a hallmark commercial CHRIS GETHARD: No, there was like a– we were watching TV one day and a commercial for “Les Miserables” came on BETH HOYT: Very timely, to bring this story up OK? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah And I was like, this was like the Broadway show, not the– I– I’m not in high school I’m not currently dating a high school girl I want to be very clear about that My high school girlfriend does not mean I am 32 and dating a 15-year-old I was– it was back then BETH HOYT: Gotcha CHRIS GETHARD: So that came on And I wanted to look smart and classy And I was like, oh, man, I would love to see that some day And then she got me two tickets to “Les Miserables.” And I was like, why’d you get me these? And she said, you said you wanted to see it And I was like, I was just, like, lying I mean, I don’t want to see that I don’t want to go see that I was just trying to impressive you I just wanted you to think– we need more hot glue, if that’s OK BETH HOYT: That’s a lot of– NATE: We’re good BETH HOYT: That’s– that’s sad Did that– did that relationship survive, then, that gift? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, that relationship went for years and years and years BETH HOYT: Wow Did you see the show, then? CHRIS GETHARD: I did see the show And it was pretty good BETH HOYT: It was incredible, right? CHRIS GETHARD: It was pretty good Yeah, I actually didn’t regret it I shouldn’t have been so pissy about it BETH HOYT: You shouldn’t have been That was a great gift CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, it was BETH HOYT: Here’s another– CHRIS GETHARD: It was much better than a t-shirt that says, hello, my name is Bitch Much better BETH HOYT: To say the least CHRIS GETHARD: Much better gift BETH HOYT: Here’s a comment from YouTube Another– another question for you, I think BornTheYear BeforeTheMillennium, “I don’t understand how this works Is this live?” CHRIS GETHARD: It’s not live We’re not currently responding to the comment you just left momentarily BETH HOYT: Yup CHRIS GETHARD: Moments ago BETH HOYT: And we planned this hot glue sweatshirt NATE: Mmm hmm CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: Yep CHRIS GETHARD: Careful consideration went into this BETH HOYT: We did this afternoon, and then– so, thanks for testing us on that You know what, I think this is– while you finish up your hot glue– CHRIS GETHARD: I’m only getting started BETH HOYT: Oh, gosh Um, this show is three hours long, by the way I hope you guys all have the evening free Chris, have you ever had a mistletoe? I’ve never actually been under a real mistletoe in me life CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, I don’t know if I’ve done that BETH HOYT: Does anyone actually put those up? Nate, have you? NATE: No, we’re Jews I mean, you know BETH HOYT: You don’t go to any parties? NATE: I go to my aunt’s house But they don’t put them up there, either BETH HOYT: I hope that they don’t have mistletoe at your aunt’s house CHRIS GETHARD: I’ve been at places where they’ve been up, but I’ve never– I’ve never been kissed under one BETH HOYT: Yeah NATE: Yeah, me either BETH HOYT: Does anyone know anyone who has? Only in like– NATE: Somebody must have, right? BETH HOYT: –romantic comedies and like “Love Actually” type things CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: God, I just want to put stuff on that hot glue NATE: It’s looking prety good, actually BETH HOYT: Don’t you want to just like– CHRIS GETHARD: Please don’t Please don’t NATE: No, look– BETH HOYT: I’m not going to do It’s Chris’s– CHRIS GETHARD: I’m not– I don’t want to be– I don’t want to be a jerk But I feel like I’m already kind of mad that you wrote that on there, to be honest with you I wish it was just a big pile of hot glue on a– on a mauve sweatshirt BETH HOYT: But wait I just wanted to label it in case anyone took it It’s like when you write your name on the inside of your– your name tag CHRIS GETHARD: That’s fair BETH HOYT: I just put it on the front CHRIS GETHARD: That’s fair BETH HOYT: Yeah And I made it festive NATE: This is like something you did in art class, too BETH HOYT: I’m in the holiday spirit And then I– NATE: Right Just go nuts with whatever One material BETH HOYT: We have another glue stick here This is really– this is going to be beautiful when it hardens It’s going to be like a great thing to touch Ay! CHRIS GETHARD: That’s weird Why is it? You’re– BETH HOYT: Did I say that? CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t even want to go for that easy joke I don’t want to go for the easy joke, but you’re making it– you’re making it very difficult BETH HOYT: I didn’t– I– I just know the texture will– I– I like– I like touching hot– hardened glue Stop, Beth Stop CHRIS GETHARD: That’s more specific in a way that clears up a lot of issues BETH HOYT: Here’s another comment from YouTube Thank you This is from Shane Smith “Are you doing the NC Comedy Arts Festival again this year?” CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know I haven’t– I haven’t– I haven’t– I haven’t been contacted yet I would love to, though That’s a great festival BETH HOYT: Is it? CHRIS GETHARD: I had– our show, “The Chris Gethard Show,” is going to both South by Southwest– BETH HOYT: Cool Fun CHRIS GETHARD: –and the San Fran Sketch Festival So those are some big ones BETH HOYT: Yeah NATE: Sweet CHRIS GETHARD: Those do nothing for that man in North Carolina, though BETH HOYT: Yeah When’s the North Carolina one? Do you know? CHRIS GETHARD: The North Carolina one, I think, is February I’m not positive, though BETH HOYT: That sounds fun CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Real good time BETH HOYT: Festivals Also, a new place to go Yeah, your show is tonight, Wednesday nights CHRIS GETHARD: Every Wednesday night, we’re live on public access in New York City, as well as the internet, which I think all these people have heard of BETH HOYT: Yeah, guys I think we’re all– I think we’re all in that world NATE: Oh, look BETH HOYT: Look at that This is live And we do that kind of stuff CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, nice NATE: Bam CHRIS GETHARD: Look at that Just that alone is like– BETH HOYT: Whoops
I need to put– CHRIS GETHARD: — light years beyond the technical capabilities of the actual– the show you’re plugging We could never have a graphic show up on screen BETH HOYT: That’s– CHRIS GETHARD: Our show is so– why are we plugging my show on a show that it is, technically– BETH HOYT: Well that’s the charm of your show CHRIS GETHARD: — just so superior BETH HOYT: That’s why your show’s so much fun to watch and to be at CHRIS GETHARD: It’s like LeBron James telling people, like, you really got to see this guy, Smush– Smush Parker play basketball You really got to check out this dude, Smush Parker BETH HOYT: I’m taking away– CHRIS GETHARD: He plays in China now Check him out BETH HOYT: I’m taking away all those temptations Because all that glue is just asking for me to put– I just– maybe I’ll– I just want to– CHRIS GETHARD: I think I’m done I think that’s my sweater BETH HOYT: It’s beautiful CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you BETH HOYT: Well, we have one more comment from YouTube right now CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Yeah, yeah BETH HOYT: This is from JoeyzMindSet “Who’s excited for “The Hobbit?” CHRIS GETHARD: I got some bad news NATE: Oh, no BETH HOYT: Oh, again CHRIS GETHARD: A friend of mine saw it and said, it’s garbageo NATE: Why? Ugh BETH HOYT: God, Chris CHRIS GETHARD: A friend of mine saw it He says it’s garbage NATE: Why are you bringing me down like that, Chris? BETH HOYT: Because we’re trying to have a holiday party CHRIS GETHARD: I’m just trying to tell everybody to brace yourselves, because a friend of mine saw a screening He said it’s hot garbage BETH HOYT: Nate, don’t ruin this for me CHRIS GETHARD: He said, every time there was a transition between scenes, he was hoping the credits would roll He said it’s like garbage And I got to tell, I haven’t heard– you haven’t even heard too many people talking about “The Hobbit,” right? And now we know why BETH HOYT: Oh, gosh Chris, you’re dampening this party CHRIS GETHARD: You heard it here first Breaking news, “The Hobbit” sucks BETH HOYT: Chris, you’re really bringing down the holiday spirit, but it’s OK NATE: This is just like Christmas CHRIS GETHARD: Sorry Sorry about that BETH HOYT: It is You’re right, actually So, Chris, yours looks, like, almost done We’re going to let it dry a little bit, because– and Nate and I still have to finish ours, because on our blogs– CHRIS GETHARD: It looks like tinsel Look, it looks like tinsel BETH HOYT: It does You’re right It does look holiday-y And see, I wrote your name and then in parentheses, Tomas It’s like, Chris-tomas Um, we asked on our blogs– CHRIS GETHARD: That is my least favorite part of the sweater BETH HOYT: I know I am aware of that We asked on our vlogs for suggestions from the audience for the perfect final touch for our sweaters Thanks for your suggestions And I love the idea from pablominimal So I’m going to add that to mine His idea was– was– it’s missing a gift, maybe a dick-in-the-box So I decided to do that Look It’s Dick Clark Dick Clark in a box So we’re going to add that to my sweater I’m just going to belt it on Nate, what was your final piece? NATE: Oh, I had– from AndThenThereWereCats– someone suggested candy canes And that’s super easy and really fitting for a Christmas tree So I got them They’re going on BETH HOYT: Beautiful I think it’s time to put these on NATE: You just put this over here Yeah BETH HOYT: I’ll– NATE: I’ll put it on the collar once I put it on BETH HOYT: I have to– can you put yours on, now, Chris? Oh CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, sorry Sorry BETH HOYT: You are like just my older brother ruining Christmas CHRIS GETHARD: I’m not trying to be a jerk to you specifically– BETH HOYT: You are CHRIS GETHARD: — but I just felt like that wasn’t me You know? This is a little bit more me BETH HOYT: I was just trying to help CHRIS GETHARD: No, you did great Honestly, I’m not mad BETH HOYT: What do you think of mine? CHRIS GETHARD: I hope I’m not being totally rude right now I think yours– that’s awesome BETH HOYT: Yes My– well, my tits are all twisted There we go So now they’re better Look, they have eyes on them, because Santa’s always watching you Always watching you CHRIS GETHARD: That’s creepy BETH HOYT: OK CHRIS GETHARD: Oops Oops BETH HOYT: And now I’ve got to put my dick-in-a-box on NATE: It’s good Yup Go for it BETH HOYT: OK Nate was telling me some sad things that happened at his holidays I guess his family’s very competitive Right? NATE: Yeah It just– it always becomes this hostile competition every holiday So it’s like you have to– you not only do you have to show up and deal with relatives, but you have to be like good at stuff And that’s– BETH HOYT: That’s must be hard for you, Nate NATE: Yeah Yeah BETH HOYT: I– Yeah Chris, you remind me of Christmas, because every year when I get my brother a present, he like just basically asks immediately like where the receipt is So it’s like what you did where you’re like– CHRIS GETHARD: I didn’t– I feel bad I don’t– I should have been more gracious about it BETH HOYT: [GASP] But look at how the– no, you shouldn’t have been– you should have been more open– you should’ve been more like when I started to do it, been like, no I hate that CHRIS GETHARD: I didn’t know I was going to hate it BETH HOYT: Oh, OK That’s fair CHRIS GETHARD: I wanted to be open-minded and give it a chance BETH HOYT: I got a dick-in-the-box CHRIS GETHARD: Look at all this hot glue It feels really good NATE: Yeah, I need some help with mine There we go BETH HOYT: Nate– Nate needs help putting on his clothes Here, let’s hold your popcorn necklace NATE: Yeah All right, here it goes BETH HOYT: Is this– is this what all elementary school teachers do when they are getting their holiday sweaters ready? They get them on together? CHRIS GETHARD: I never did this in elementary school BETH HOYT: Didn’t your teachers wear sweaters, though? CHRIS GETHARD: No I don’t remember, actually I don’t know BETH HOYT: All right NATE: This one’s going on this way, though BETH HOYT: I know that my elementary school teachers had some crazy sweaters with a lot of like things, which is where I got this idea I had like stuffed animals, and like an advent calendar on their sweaters CHRIS GETHARD: Uh huh, that’s pretty good BETH HOYT: We had different elementary schools I’m going to Instagram this real quick NATE: Wait, hold on, hold on BETH HOYT: Nate is, too We’re interneting it up all over the place And thanks for your input, you guys and your questions We want more of them, because– NATE: Ooh, this is dangerous BETH HOYT: –when we get back, Chris Gethard– CHRIS GETHARD: How am I doing it? Am I– am I being– as far as the standards of the show, am I being funny, not funny? BETH HOYT: You’re– CHRIS GETHARD: I haven’t done much BETH HOYT: Guys, give us a– give us a one through ten on how Chris is doing CHRIS GETHARD: Please do BETH HOYT: Funny, not funny? CHRIS GETHARD: Let me know BETH HOYT: Also, you smell delicious, like peppermint CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you BETH HOYT: Yay Take it CHRIS GETHARD: I feel like I’m dropping the ball Am I currently dropping the ball? BETH HOYT: No CHRIS GETHARD: I feel like I might be BETH HOYT: This is magical And I never would have ever envisioned that you’d have made a sweatshirt like this, not including any of our decorations And I think that’s very inventive CHRIS GETHARD: I’m dropping the ball, aren’t I? NATE: No, you’re not dropping the ball CHRIS GETHARD: You can be honest, Nate Be honest, Nate I’m not bringing it I’m not bringing the heat tonight, today NATE: You’re not dropping the ball, Chris BETH HOYT: Guess what? Up next– NATE: What do we do to change that?
BETH HOYT: –Chris is in the truth booth answering all of your questions from the chat Nate, can we see your pickle before you get away– NATE: Oh, right CHRIS GETHARD: Ask me sad questions NATE: Boo! CHRIS GETHARD: Everyone ask me sad questions BETH HOYT: Let’s make this really like Christmas CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: So anyway, get your questions in for Chris CHRIS GETHARD: Make them sad NATE: Make them sad BETH HOYT: Let’s– let’s– we’re going to get to tears by the end of this episode See you in a sec CHRIS GETHARD: I’ll be honest [MUSIC PLAYING] [JOHN FRIEDMAN INTERNET PROGRAM THEME SONG] – Gregory, no! Don’t eat the bouquet! [JOHN FRIEDMAN INTERNET PROGRAM THEME SONG] HANNAH HART: Hi I’m Hanna Hart, and you’re watching My Damn Channel [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Hi, guys I’m back with Chris Gethard of The Chris Gethard Show, and all of the best shows I’ve seen at UCB CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, thank you BETH HOYT: Thank you so much for being here CHRIS GETHARD: My pleasure BETH HOYT: Look, we definitely look festive And I don’t know about Chris, but I’m definitely feeling festive Chris says he’s down to answer all of your questions, holiday-themed or not He’s obviously very into the holiday spirit CHRIS GETHARD: Mmm hmm Big time Way more than I have been BETH HOYT: It feels amazing CHRIS GETHARD: It feels good, right? BETH HOYT: Did you just eat this entire candy cane in like ten seconds CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, well, it crumbled apart in my hands as I unwrapped it and fell all over the floor– BETH HOYT: Oh, it feels great CHRIS GETHARD: — which also happened yesterday I was eating my dinner, which was a piece of pizza I was eating while walking down the sidewalk, and I dropped it BETH HOYT: Oh no CHRIS GETHARD: That was my dinner Yeah BETH HOYT: Bummer CHRIS GETHARD: That was my dinner BETH HOYT: Did you pick it up? Five second rule? CHRIS GETHARD: No I briefly thought about it, but it was like a sidewalk in Brooklyn It was straight up But I did I was like, man, that was my dinner And then I didn’t get a new dinner I just was hungry BETH HOYT: Oh CHRIS GETHARD: I’m ruining you’re showing, aren’t I? BETH HOYT: No, I love it CHRIS GETHARD: Am I ruining the show? BETH HOYT: You want to hear these– these are truth– I love that CHRIS GETHARD: OK BETH HOYT: Here’s a comment from YouTube CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, yeah, yeah BETH HOYT: This is from flypaintedfeathers “Have you ever hit an animal with your car?” CHRIS GETHARD: Yes, I have BETH HOYT: [GASP] CHRIS GETHARD: Yes, I have BETH HOYT: This is great CHRIS GETHARD: Well, no, I wasn’t driving I was driving cross country with my friend, Nick And we were in Texas And there was this, like, storm on the horizon And I didn’t know– I’m from the Northeast, so I didn’t know that, like, a Texas storm is like way– a way– that’s a way bigger deal than a Northeast storm BETH HOYT: Oh, I didn’t know that CHRIS GETHARD: So we just, like, drove into this lightning storm where lightning bolts were hitting the highway and stuff We tried to get off the road And all these animals were like freaking out and running across the road It looked like Frogger And we hit this rabbit And then it was just really sad and super silent And then my friend, Nick, went, maybe it didn’t die And I went, I felt its soul rise to heaven So, yeah, I’ve hit a– I’ve hit– I’ve hit– I’ve been in a car that hit an animal, yeah BETH HOYT: Oh CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Yeah BETH HOYT: Yeah, that was a very personal– You know, actually, with the build-up to that, though, I thought it might have been worse than a rabbit So– CHRIS GETHARD: Nah BETH HOYT: Because it sounds cra– that sort of sounds– CHRIS GETHARD: No Yeah, that’s the worst Yeah, that’s the worst That’s the– yeah, it was– BETH HOYT: That poor rabbit CHRIS GETHARD: — it was weird It was a– that was a strange day And then we had to stop at a diner and just sit on like– because there were no hotel rooms and it was too dangerous to drive And the waitress was a teenage girl who asked me if I’ve ever seen ground zero in New York And I said, yeah And she went, you’re so lucky And I was like, no, I’m not BETH HOYT: This is unbelievably dark It’s just getting– CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: I like it CHRIS GETHARD: I say, let’s go there, man BETH HOYT: Is she still alive? CHRIS GETHARD: To me, that’s what the holidays are all about BETH HOYT: Is the teenager still– CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know I’ve never seen her since She was just a little girl in a diner serving me my grilled cheese BETH HOYT: Well, that’s a good part of the story CHRIS GETHARD: I hope she’s– I hope she’s doing well BETH HOYT: Grilled cheese is delicious CHRIS GETHARD: Look at this My shirt’s like 3-D BETH HOYT: And is very cool Mine is 3-D, too CHRIS GETHARD: Our shirts are making out BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah CHRIS GETHARD: Did you see that? BETH HOYT: Yup Excuse me CHRIS GETHARD: Can we do the rest of the show like this? BETH HOYT: Yup We sure can Chris, I want to talk to you about your book, “A Bad Idea I’m About To Do: True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure CHRIS GETHARD: Yup BETH HOYT: So it sounds like, I mean, you’re still living that life Is that like– did you make– did– do you still make all those bad decisions, like enough for a book two? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: Good CHRIS GETHARD: Yes BETH HOYT: Because the book is so good CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you Yeah No, I make a lot of bad decisions I’m getting a lot better about it I kind of have my act together more than I have in the past BETH HOYT: Oh yeah? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah But career-wise, I make terrible decisions Terrible decisions BETH HOYT: Not recently You’re so good in “The Office.” CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, thank you BETH HOYT: Did you guys see that? You’re hilarious CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you BETH HOYT: Here’s another comment from YouTube This is from maryder83 “Chris, did you ever imagine that you’d have children by this point? Christmas would be way different.” CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, I tell you, I think about how I should have kids almost all the time I recently– was in– I was– I dated a girl for eight years, and we broke up this summer, because I– because I woke up one day, and I was like, man, I thought I’d have kids by now I’m 32 My dad had two kids and owned a home when he was 27 And I compare him– I compare myself to him all the time BETH HOYT: Don’t do that CHRIS GETHARD: And it doesn’t work out in my favor ever And just last night, I was at a bar with a friend of mine who was like showing me pictures of his kids and telling me that his kid has like gotten into dance classes
and just learned how to read And I started crying in the bar, because I was like, man, I wish I had that life But I just don’t know if that’s going to work out for me anymore Like, I might be just like a little too old to find that And plus I’m a little scared that I’ll pass on my skeletal deformities and depression issues to a child BETH HOYT: Well, so those are– those are– it’s a positive ending, then, that you know, you’re realizing that– CHRIS GETHARD: That the child– I– I– I may choose to not make a child exist because it would resemble me BETH HOYT: Well, that’s ridiculous We could only be so lucky to have another Chris Gethard But also, that was an incredibly just truthful answer CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you BETH HOYT: That was– CHRIS GETHARD: I keep– I’ll keep it real truthful BETH HOYT: That’s also a lot think — a lot of, I think, New York comics and performers think that way about children CHRIS GETHARD: About themselves? BETH HOYT: Yeah, it’s too late I– Should I do this? CHRIS GETHARD: Like I’m full of self-loathing That makes me feel like I don’t want something to share half my DNA BETH HOYT: But, you know, the good news is, like, if– say, for you show tonight, you’d have to get a baby sitter And they are so expensive in New York CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah So that’s good BETH HOYT: Yup CHRIS GETHARD: That’s a good– BETH HOYT: Saving cash! CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, that’s– there’s– there’s the– there’s the upside BETH HOYT: You can buy another slice of pizza CHRIS GETHARD: Silver lining, they call that BETH HOYT: Yup The next time you drop your pizza, I’d be like, I can buy another slice because I don’t have to have a baby sitter CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Yeah BETH HOYT: All right Here’s a comment CHRIS GETHARD: And I don’t have to share it with some dumb baby BETH HOYT: Who probably can’t even chew anyway CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t have to share my pizza with some dumb baby that can’t even talk or drive a car BETH HOYT: Yeah Right This is Danny Behar He wants to know, “will the human fish be on the show tonight?” CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know, because our new studio is up in Harlem We just got our studio for The Chris Gethard Show under renovation in Spanish Harlem, which I hear is called SpaHa That’s what I hear Nate tells us– Nate has said, it– call it SpaHa That’s the only acceptable name to call it Human fish says that’s kind of a far journey for him BETH HOYT: Does he know it’s called SpaHa? That might make it seem like, if you just said, you, the show– you? Yo, the show’s like relocated to SpaHa Before you tell him what it is, be like, are you locked in– are you locked in? He might be like, sure CHRIS GETHARD: I should have done that, but I think the cat’s out of the bag on this one BETH HOYT: Yeah That’s too bad CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: Are your– are your- yeah So what’s like one of the best guests you’ve had on your show? Because the show is so funny, and like a big party every– every night CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, we have a real good time Who have– we’ve had Andrew– BETH HOYT: That one’s a hard question, but– CHRIS GETHARD: Andrew W. K and Ted Leo played music And we got this guy named Calstead who calls in And he showed up once for real And he’s really– that was a good guest– Calstead from Middlesex County, New Jersey We had a 16-year-old girl named Alyssa She was a great guest BETH HOYT: Yeah, she’s a great Twitterer That’s what– how it started, right? You liked her tweets CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah She’s very funny on Twitter And she likes comedy a lot So we brought her on the show, and she met, like, Jack McBrayer and Bobby Moynihan and stuff And those guys are real nice on the show They come on It’s really kind of them BETH HOYT: Yeah, Bobby was on last week, right? CHRIS GETHARD: Bobby was on last week Yeah Bobby Moynihan, who you’ve actually heard of BETH HOYT: Here’s another comment from YouTube This is from Chris Rozwod “Chris, can you talk about being on “The Office.” I though you killed it Super funny.” CHRIS GETHARD: First of all, thank you, Chris Rozwod You tweet at me often I see it and I appreciate your support It’s very kind of you So thank you for that “The Office,” I’ll tell you, it was real– it was– everybody was real nice BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, real nice and kind It was real laid back and easygoing And it was just fun Like everybody’s having fun with the acting And I have serious doubts about my abilities as an actor So it was a warm environment that made me feel comfortable BETH HOYT: You were really fantastic CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you BETH HOYT: and– and quite ominous CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you BETH HOYT: And yeah Menacing CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, yeah BETH HOYT: I was just a little bit scared while– while giggling CHRIS GETHARD: OK, I’m sorry BETH HOYT: No, in a good way CHRIS GETHARD: A lot of people, like, tweeted at me, like, man, you’re really– you’re really good at being a creep And I was like, thanks BETH HOYT: No, but in “The Office” fashion It was so great I mean, the only way you could– they wouldn’t have a real creep on the NBC comedy CHRIS GETHARD: Ehh BETH HOYT: They wouldn’t CHRIS GETHARD: You don’t think so? BETH HOYT: They save that for showtime drama CHRIS GETHARD: You don’t think Aubrey Plaza’s kind of a creep? BETH HOYT: No, I think she’s a funny creep CHRIS GETHARD: I think she’s a creep BETH HOYT: This is getting real, you guys Thank you for those great questions! CHRIS GETHARD: I’ve known her for awhile I’ve known her for awhile and I think she’s a creep BETH HOYT: Listen, don’t spread– we have– we’re not spreading any bad words– CHRIS GETHARD: I taught her level three improv That creep BETH HOYT: Thanks for your great questions When we return, we’re playing Mystery Box holiday th– holiday-themed– maybe you saw the Halloween episode when Grace pulled out actual hearts and brains No joke I mean, it was kind of– it was funny It was kind of a joke So you know how it goes If not, just know that you’re telling Chris and I which box to blindly put our hand into CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: So start now in the chat Write either my name or Chris’s CHRIS GETHARD: My hand has skeletal deformities Do you see that? BETH HOYT: So be careful which– CHRIS GETHARD: You get to put this in a box Look at that BETH HOYT: That’s amazing CHRIS GETHARD: Look how weird my hand looks Oh, my god I’m such an ugly– BETH HOYT: I can do this CHRIS GETHARD: I am a physically unattractive person You’re a very attractive person, and I– it only underlines how unattractive I am Look at this BETH HOYT: Listen, you guys Write either my name or Chris’s– CHRIS GETHARD: Oh my god, dude I look like Night Crawler BETH HOYT: Write either my name or Chris’s name– CHRIS GETHARD: Oh my god This side looks a little more normal This side, jesus, man BETH HOYT: Don’t– not for the holidays CHRIS GETHARD: I look like I should be climbing– BETH HOYT: Keep these away until after Christmas CHRIS GETHARD: I look like I should be like climbing up a wall Oh, my god BETH HOYT: That’s a good skill That’s a — I can’t climb a wall with these pretty hands CHRIS GETHARD: I can’t actually do it I just look like someone– oh, god BETH HOYT: All right Put either Chris’s name or my name and the number one through nine Mystery Box revealed when we get back Chris– [MUSIC PLAYING] MICHAEL ANTONUCCI: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday
Prepare to be forgiven at church Slap on your Sunday best, and kneel before our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ Now stand, now sit, now rise Now sit, now kneel in one of our many pews Christ has died Christ is risen Won’t you come again? And remember, church is always free Swing by early, and confess your sins Stick around afterwards for our Mother the Redeemer Catechism Bake Sale Bake Sale! This Sunday, a special, glorious performance by Pastor Chris He has the fingers of angels Don’t miss it Don’t sloth around until Christmas or Easter This is an event you can’t miss Because if your do, you go to hell– unless you confess your sins Then you’re fine Light a candle Say a prayer Receive his body Taste his blood All are welcome in the House of the Lord, except if you’re gay Eww! Afterwards, go right across the street to the diner for buttermilk pancakes So go to church Happening every Sunday, Sunday, Sunday Amen TYLER OAKLEY: Oh, hey, girl My name is Tyler Oakley, and you are watching My Damn Channel live [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Hello, friends I’m here with comedian and actor, Chris Gethard And we’re about to play Holiday Mystery Box [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: So how this works is, you guys in the chat tell us which box to blindly put our hand into And then after we touch whatever’s in there, we have to guess what it is It’s holiday-themed The game is really fun CHRIS GETHARD: Ugh BETH HOYT: We definitely, you guys– so write a comment that has either my name or Chris’s name and a number one through nine Let’s do a comment first Let’s see I think you guys have started some already Kim Schwartz– Chris, six CHRIS GETHARD: OK So do I– I just open it? BETH HOYT: Yeah, don’t look inside Just reach your hand in And then tell us what you think it might be Is it gross? CHRIS GETHARD: It’s reasonably gross It feels like a potato pancake, maybe BETH HOYT: A potato– could be a potato pancake CHRIS GETHARD: Maybe it’s a potato pancake It’s a little squishy BETH HOYT: Pull that puppy out and let’s see what it is CHRIS GETHARD: It’s a mark It’s a– I think that’s a potato pancake BETH HOYT: It’s like hash browns CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, look You made it even grosser BETH HOYT: Yummy CHRIS GETHARD: OK BETH HOYT: OK CHRIS GETHARD: Ugh Latke? BETH HOYT: It’s la– latke CHRIS GETHARD: It’s latke BETH HOYT: What kind of latke? CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Just like Andy Kaufman’s character on “Taxi.” Topical! BETH HOYT: Here’s a comet– comment This one says– Beth, four, from JoeyzMindSet OK I’ll go on four It smells like potatoes, so it’s going to be hard to, like, guess when I still– did I step on you? No CHRIS GETHARD: No, I was just picking up the latke And I think I came off like a jerk who was trying to, like, take an up-skirt photo of you BETH HOYT: They’re shorts Don’t worry OK I’ve got these, like, really stale mini-donuts, it feels like They’re not gross at all But– do you hear that? They’re like really stale mini-donuts That’s what I think Ugh! Oh, it’s coal That’s not fun CHRIS GETHARD: Donuts? BETH HOYT: They felt like– CHRIS GETHARD: They feel like donuts? BETH HOYT: It felt like stale donut holes That’s not fun Coal is not fun That’s– have you ever really gotten coals as a gift? You probably have CHRIS GETHARD: No I never got coal as a gift BETH HOYT: Good Thank god CHRIS GETHARD: One time my grandfather– BETH HOYT: Oh no CHRIS GETHARD: — died two days before Christmas BETH HOYT: Just once? CHRIS GETHARD: Just one time BETH HOYT: OK, good At least it only happened once CHRIS GETHARD: My other grandfather died much later than that on his couch He had laid out his will on the table, and not told any of us he was dying BETH HOYT: Well, that’s– that sounds like a comfortable place CHRIS GETHARD: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas BETH HOYT: At least he was comfortable Here’s another comment This is from legitlizzzzz “Chris 8 P.S. Hi Nate.” CHRIS GETHARD: OK, eight I can do BETH HOYT: Nate, Liz says hi NATE: Hi, Liz BETH HOYT: What do you think it is? CHRIS GETHARD: It’s a cloth of some sort BETH HOYT: Oh, uh oh CHRIS GETHARD: It’s not gross It’s– BETH HOYT: Hmm CHRIS GETHARD: What is it? It’s like a stocking, maybe It’s socks BETH HOYT: Oh Old gym socks CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, it’s someone’s actually worn gym socks? Awesome BETH HOYT: That’s not very Christmas-y That’s cool CHRIS GETHARD: That’s awesome BETH HOYT: I think Nate wore those, but I don’t know if he went to the gym, so I don’t know if that was Nate’s Do they smell good? What’s happening here? CHRIS GETHARD: I want to just throw this Is it OK– can I just throw this as hard as possible against the wall? Is that OK? BETH HOYT: I’m not saying, yes or no CHRIS GETHARD: Nice! One stuck One stuck up there BETH HOYT: Ooh, look it CHRIS GETHARD: Nice BETH HOYT: That’s fancy CHRIS GETHARD: I added to the decorations BETH HOYT: We’re going to leave that there We’re definitely leaving that there CHRIS GETHARD: I added to the decorations BETH HOYT: Here’s a comment This is from aleeksandra118 Chris, three CHRIS GETHARD: Aleeksandra watches The Chris Gethard Show, I believe Thank you for doing that Oh, this is not good BETH HOYT: Uh oh CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, this is not good BETH HOYT: What do you think it is? CHRIS GETHARD: It’s– it feels like a sandwich or something BETH HOYT: Uh oh CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah, it’s a sandwich BETH HOYT: What kind of sandwich? CHRIS GETHARD: That’s a turkey and cheese sandwich What does that have to do with– BETH HOYT: It’s Beth’s lunch CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, it’s– BETH HOYT: That was– I was going to eat later CHRIS GETHARD: What’s that have to do with Christmas?
I thought this was holiday-themed BETH HOYT: I’m in the Christmas– I am Christmas CHRIS GETHARD: The last two things I pulled out were socks and a sandwich This is some holiday show BETH HOYT: Well, you’re– CHRIS GETHARD: My brother and I opened our presents on Christmas Eve secretly because my parents were at the funeral home for my grandfather’s wake We opened all our presents, then re-wrapped them BETH HOYT: Well, and then you faked surprise? CHRIS GETHARD: I got a tin whistle I got a tin whistle– BETH HOYT: No, you did not CHRIS GETHARD: –which is an instrument you use to learn the bagpipes, which is a tradition in my family, because my grandfather was from Ireland And he died BETH HOYT: Did they buy the tin whistle before or after he died? CHRIS GETHARD: Before he died I didn’t really have the heart to learn the bagpipes after that BETH HOYT: OK That probably was a sad sound to hear in the house anyways, so CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Yeah, it was BETH HOYT: Can we get a comment from fullloadofalex Beth, one Yeah Let’s see what’s in box number one Something jolly and– eww Oh, this is gross This is like– face– facial mask It’s sticky and warm And maybe silly putty No Or maybe it’s like– eww I don’t know Sc– old gravy? CHRIS GETHARD: Eww BETH HOYT: Eww It’s reindeer poop CHRIS GETHARD: Reindeer poop? BETH HOYT: That’s gross CHRIS GETHARD: I’m glad I didn’t get– I’m glad I got the sandwich Eww BETH HOYT: That is good They eat only Santa’s cookies, so their poop tastes good CHRIS GETHARD: I also had a cousin die on New Year’s Eve BETH HOYT: This is– do you want a lick? CHRIS GETHARD: Motorcycle accident BETH HOYT: This is so good You know, motorcycles aren’t– they just– they are not safe CHRIS GETHARD: I am going to get you I’m going to break you I’m going to be so sad that you stopped being cheerful I can do it His name was Tiger He was the coolest person I’ve ever met in my entire life BETH HOYT: The more reindeer poop you eat, you retract– the more joy, like, it’s like so, it retracts your negative, because, like– CHRIS GETHARD: He was from California He wore a leather jacket He used to come to New Jersey and told me not to let it bother me when the other kids made fun of me BETH HOYT: Oh no, now CHRIS GETHARD: And then he died when I was in seventh grade No one cared BETH HOYT: Here’s a comment– This is a comment from jrk2129 “Chris!!!! Stop saying that you’re unattractive! I think you’re really good-looking! This isn’t a joke And Box #5.” CHRIS GETHARD: Box number five I can do I think you have bad taste I think you have bad taste Oh, I got another good one You keep getting all the bad ones This is a Christmas card BETH HOYT: No, it’s not CHRIS GETHARD: It is It is It says, to someone special Oh Oh, I actually– BETH HOYT: No! CHRIS GETHARD: I won a Starbucks gift card BETH HOYT: That’s not fair CHRIS GETHARD: I won a Starbucks gift card BETH HOYT: He doesn’t deserve it He doesn’t have the holiday spirit CHRIS GETHARD: You look really good in that sweater P.S. Here’s a $5 gift card to Starbucks BETH HOYT: Psssh CHRIS GETHARD: Awesome. $5 gift card to Starbucks I can get 2/3 of a coffee Thank you BETH HOYT: Yeah, you can’t get a holiday treat when you have to do minus, like, one of the shots CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: That probably makes your Christmas a lot less– more– less fun CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: But you know what? You can spend that extra dollar, because you don’t have kids CHRIS GETHARD: That’s true BETH HOYT: That’s true CHRIS GETHARD: And I probably never will, because I’ve failed at life BETH HOYT: Here’s a comment Beth, number two From LucyisaMirfanda Beth, number two I’ll have to use my other hand, because– OK This is– Eww Eww! This is– this Santa got excited, and that’s what this is, you guys CHRIS GETHARD: Eggnog shot BETH HOYT: Oh, it’s an eggnog shot CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, you got to do a shot of eggnog BETH HOYT: Yeah Let me get it CHRIS GETHARD: I hope that– now, I’m glad I didn’t get that one, because I’m a recovering alcoholic BETH HOYT: I’m glad I got it I need it now, after Chris CHRIS GETHARD: I haven’t had a drink in– Is there booze in that? Because if I got that, I would have literally fallen off the wagon live on the air BETH HOYT: Oh, now my hands are all loaded up on holiday fashion Mine are CHRIS GETHARD: Here, you can wipe them on my sweater BETH HOYT: Which is cool, because– I love– no, you said I could write on your sweater, and then you took it back CHRIS GETHARD: No, go for it BETH HOYT: Are you going to be like, this is my least favorite part of– anyway, I love the holidays Christ, thanks for being such a good sport CHRIS GETHARD: I was watching “Dances with Wolves” when my cousin died And I’ve never seen the ending, because I always cry when it gets to the exact moment that I found out that he died BETH HOYT: Up next, Chris is going to do my makeup CHRIS GETHARD: I can’t get the riniging– I can’t get the ringing of the phone out of my head BETH HOYT: Chris is doing my makeup [MUSIC PLAYING] MR. BUS: Hello, Michael – Hey, Mr. Bus MR. BUS: Going to work today? – No, silly bus It’s Saturday MR. BUS: All right, partner – All right, then MR. BUS: See you on Monday [EXPLOSION NOISE] EMMA CAULFIELD: Hi, you crazy kids This is Emma Caulfield, and you’re watching My Damn Channel Live [THE JOHN FRIEDMAN INTERNET PROGRAM THEME SONG] – No, no, no That’s not for you I mean, I guess, if you want [THE JOHN FRIEDMAN INTERNET PROGRAM THEME SONG] YVETTE NICOLE BROWN: Hi, it’s Yvette Nicole Brown, and you’re watching My Damn Channel Live [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: And we’re back We is Chris Gethard and myself And Chris has– Chris has graciously volunteered after we told him we planed for him to do it– to do my makeup It’s the “My Boyfriend Does My Makeup” tag [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: Now, Chris isn’t my boyfriend He’s my boy friend
Just so you guys– just to clear that up So you ladies that are pining after Chris in this sweater and just wanting to console him in his sadness CHRIS GETHARD: Reconsider Reconsider BETH HOYT: In case you’ve never seen this tag video, it’s– it’s basically how it sounds And if you’re confused, I don’t– I enjoy the simple life style you’ve been able to lead this far So Chris, OK, I know I look ready for a party, like, tors– like, from here down But this is my daytime look on my face CHRIS GETHARD: OK BETH HOYT: And I really want, like, smoky eyes, and like, cheekbones, and red lips, and like, a holiday-themed, like, festive– CHRIS GETHARD: OK, you want smoky eyes BETH HOYT: –essence on my face So I’m going to take off the makeup on just this side of my face CHRIS GETHARD: My hands are covered in, like, sandwich– oh, my god, I can’t open it BETH HOYT: This is great Do you know what that is that you’re holding? CHRIS GETHARD: Uh uh BETH HOYT: OK I’m going take all this off CHRIS GETHARD: Got it BETH HOYT: That’s good CHRIS GETHARD: I was just very resourceful BETH HOYT: Oh, I could’ve helped you, I guess, but I was– All right, so this side is clear NATE: Here CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you, Nate NATE: There you go CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you, Nate BETH HOYT: Yeah, Nate, assist NATE: I’ll be your man servant, for now BETH HOYT: I got eggnog all over my dick-in-a-box CHRIS GETHARD: OK So first, I’m going to– you said you wanted smoky eyes– BETH HOYT: Oh, my god CHRIS GETHARD: –so let’s just start with this I think this is called mascara BETH HOYT: Oh, that’s good You’re being gentle CHRIS GETHARD: Yes You said you want smoky eyes BETH HOYT: I do CHRIS GETHARD: And I’m not messing around BETH HOYT: I know I see that I’m still scared right now NATE: It seems like he’s in control BETH HOYT: It’s– It does Also seems like he’s not putting any on Chris, are you just waving that, just airing out my eyeball CHRIS GETHARD: No I’m getting it I’m nailing it And then also, these Uh huh Right there NATE: There it is CHRIS GETHARD: Oh, yeah That’s– that’s smoky I would say that’s smoky Speaking of smoky, when I was a child, my next door neighbor’s house burned down BETH HOYT: Did they save anything? CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know They were– they were a white trash family that used to cook food on the hood of their car BETH HOYT: Oh, so they didn’t need their house CHRIS GETHARD: That’s how they lived BETH HOYT: They barely needed their house, then CHRIS GETHARD: That looks really good BETH HOYT: Yeah CHRIS GETHARD: You look great BETH HOYT: I’m feeling good CHRIS GETHARD: OK BETH HOYT: Chris what’s your– what’s the best Christmas memory you have? CHRIS GETHARD: The best Christmas memory I have? BETH HOYT: Like the happiest– CHRIS GETHARD: The best– BETH HOYT: –you ever were around Christmas time Like happy Like– CHRIS GETHARD: One time to my parents got me the bike, Huffy the White Heat– remember that one? BETH HOYT: Ooh CHRIS GETHARD: Huffy’s got white heat now That was the ad campaign And I was so happy And then– BETH HOYT: Ed Huffy better know that song CHRIS GETHARD: We put it in my garage for the winter, and when it warmed up in the spring, someone had broken into the garage and stolen the bike BETH HOYT: But so– but– but you’re saying that when you got that bike that, that was a good memory So it wasn’t until the summer that were unhappy, that you realized– NATE: Did you get to ride it more than once? CHRIS GETHARD: No I never rode it BETH HOYT: Oh The purple goes– it’s– that’s fine CHRIS GETHARD: How does this work? This isn’t doing anything BETH HOYT: Whatever Mmm hmm Oh, you could use this instead CHRIS GETHARD: Wait, this is like fabric BETH HOYT: That’s the– oh, there you go Just put it on your– on your– on this thing This is good CHRIS GETHARD: OK What are– what are other happy Christmas– I don’t know Like, I’ve had good Christmases I’m just kind of– here, can you close your eyes please? BETH HOYT: Mmm hmm CHRIS GETHARD: No, this is not achieving– BETH HOYT: So you could go to Christmas at your parents’ house this year and be home alone And that could be– and just have no one bother you, because they’re going to go on vacation, right? Without you? They don’t want you to– CHRIS GETHARD: Here’s what I need Yeah How’s that? No, I think I’ll go see “Django Unchained” by myself BETH HOYT: Oh, good CHRIS GETHARD: I’m up for that BETH HOYT: Do you get movie snacks? CHRIS GETHARD: Do I get movie snacks? Of course I did One time, I ate popcorn that I found on the floor I ate garbage in a movie theater BETH HOYT: But you wouldn’t eat a pizza that you bought? Oh, I guess the sidewalk versus movie theater floor? CHRIS GETHARD: I tried to go sideways No, I was 19 and I was working in the movie theater so I could see movies for free but they wouldn’t give you snacks for free And I was seeing “The Phantom Menace” for the 13th time, because I could see movies for free And it was horrible And I was the only one in the theater And I found a half-eaten bag of popcorn on the ground And I picked it up and ate it, and started crying while watching “The Phantom Menace.” Because when you think about that, that’s someone– that’s someone else’s trash that they threw on the floor And, like, who knows whose hand was– and somebody was sticking their hand in there That person could have been, like– just like a chronic masturbator That person could have been someone whose, like, job involved, like, like handling fish products BETH HOYT: Yeah CHRIS GETHARD: I don’t know why that was my second example BETH HOYT: You could’ve– well, that’s because it’s disgusting– that’d be gross NATE: We got a comments BETH HOYT: We have a comment? NATE: Yeah BETH HOYT: Nate, you read it NATE: It’s from VagicalBoobicorns BETH HOYT: Oh, I love VagicalBoobicorns NATE: “What Christmas song do you hate the most?” CHRIS GETHARD: Um, who’s supposed to answer that? BETH HOYT: You, Chris NATE: Any of us CHRIS GETHARD: I’m not a huge fan of Christmas music But probably the one I don’t like the most is, simply having a wonderful Christmas time BETH HOYT: A wonderful Christmas time! NATE: The Paul McCartney one? BETH HOYT: I love that song! CHRIS GETHARD: C’mon, man NATE: His worst song, yeah CHRIS GETHARD: Come on BETH HOYT: Chris, how do you feel about Celine Dion’s “O Holy Night?” CHRIS GETHARD: “O Holy Night?” BETH HOYT: Because it’ll give you goosebumps CHRIS GETHARD: “O Holy”– I don’t know if I’ve caught that one? BETH HOYT: It’s a really good one You should listen to that It might make you feel
sentimental and love Christmas CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah Yeah, maybe I went to “Titanic” with my friend, Antoine in high school And he started crying And we were both 17 and surrounded by 8-year-old girls Go like this, please [SMACKING] NATE: Got another comment CHRIS GETHARD: Thank you I think you look pretty good NATE: Another comment! CHRIS GETHARD: Another comment NATE: ItsDavidnotDavid– “Any New Year’s resolutions already?” CHRIS GETHARD: Um, hmm Let’s see NATE: Beth? BETH HOYT: Oh, oh NATE: Anybody You could still– you’re still here BETH HOYT: Um, let’s see Yeah I– My New Year’s resolution is to work harder next year to spread Christmas joy before the holidays, before it’s too late CHRIS GETHARD: I would say mine is, try to change my pants more often I have– I’ve been wearing these pants for about 14 days in a row BETH HOYT: Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything, but CHRIS GETHARD: And what else? BETH HOYT: That’s good Must be great pants though CHRIS GETHARD: Eat meals that don’t involve cheese and, or bacon BETH HOYT: Mmm NATE: Mmm hmm BETH HOYT: Yeah, I try to cut out cheese once in a while That’s a good one That’s hard, though, cheese make everything delicious CHRIS GETHARD: It does It’s a delicious food BETH HOYT: This feels good This is like an exfoliating– CHRIS GETHARD: I would say this eye is smoky BETH HOYT: OK All right, you guys Chris CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah? BETH HOYT: I think– CHRIS GETHARD: Wait I need to get in the corner BETH HOYT: Oh, OK Oh, gosh I’m feeling it How does that look? CHRIS GETHARD: You– I think you look pretty good I think it looks cool in like a David Bowie way BETH HOYT: OK Thank you so much, Chris And thank you– CHRIS GETHARD: Whoa, you look like you got punched in your fucking face! You look like you got punched in the eye on camera! Whoa! You look you a– you look like someone, like– like you gave, like, your boyfriend a bad Christmas gift, and he’s like a real alcoholic like my grandfather was BETH HOYT: Chris, thank you so much for being here at our holiday party CHRIS GETHARD: And also I was BETH HOYT: Thank you for being here and really knocking the holiday spirit right into me CHRIS GETHARD: You’re welcome BETH HOYT: Chris Gethard did this If anyone asks me, I’ll tell them that CHRIS GETHARD: You honestly look like someone beat the shit out of you BETH HOYT: This– this is– Chris Gethard did this CHRIS GETHARD: I’m sorry Sorry I ruined the show today BETH HOYT: No, you– CHRIS GETHARD: I did kind of, right? BETH HOYT: You didn’t You just ruined my Christmas NATE: No CHRIS GETHARD: I ruined— BETH HOYT: But the show was fantastic But– CHRIS GETHARD: I think I ruined it BETH HOYT: You weren’t a part of my– of my Christmas spirit But no, you didn’t Chris, where can people find more of you? CHRIS GETHARD: thechrisgethardshow.com And my last name is spelled like the words, get hard Thechrisgethardshow.com My middle name is Paul So my name on my birth certificate is C. Paul Gethard BETH HOYT: Thank you So do that And then watch The Chris Gethard Show And, yeah– CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: His Tumblr’s amazing He has all your information CHRIS GETHARD: Check it out BETH HOYT: So thank you for being here I want you to walk very carefully out in the streets of New York City, because this is still a very fragile-y applied– CHRIS GETHARD: Yeah BETH HOYT: OK So thanks again, Chris, so much CHRIS GETHARD: It says on the teleprompter, Chris walks away gingerly and funnily NATE: Ha ha ha ha BETH HOYT: I had this vision of you having all of these Christmas decorations And then– and then you’d have to be like this, but really it’s just this So you can just walk off– like, you can run CHRIS GETHARD: I’m going to go over there and think about life BETH HOYT: You’ve done some pretty good gingerly and funnily What do you think, guys? Wave with your hands CHRIS GETHARD: Someone somewhere is starving BETH HOYT: Bye, Chris Now that I’m like totally ready to party, it’s time that we bring in one of my favorite ladies that we party with When we get back, we’re talking with DailyGrace [MUSIC PLAYING] STEPHEN SEIDEL: What’s up? It’s Situation Escalate I’m Stephen Seidel This is where Matt takes it to a whole other level Who’s ready for some public intimacy? [MCMAYHEM THEME SONG PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] -McMayhem! [MUSIC PLAYING] BETH HOYT: I just like to prop these up Hi, guys Nate’s back We’ve got DailyGrace from LA on the videophone Right? Hi, Grace CHRIS GETHARD: Whoa! DAILYGRACE: Hi! NATE: Look BETH HOYT: You’re so festive DAILYGRACE: Yeah, you guys looked so great, that I– I wanted to add to it, so I made myself an elf out of
bubble wrap BETH HOYT: You sure did That’s amazing DAILYGRACE: Thank you BETH HOYT: Very good DIY NATE: Yeah BETH HOYT: Very well said Have you made your holiday sweater yet? We can mail you all the leftover supplies, because Chris Gethard didn’t use any of them DAILYGRACE: What a minimalist BETH HOYT: I’m going to let you hang out with our lovely audience that we have today They have lots of questions for you Right, guys? What are your questions for Grace? And I’m going to let Nate, like, DJ these comments, while I go ice my face Have fun, you guys NATE: Let’s do it DAILYGRACE: Bye, Beth BETH HOYT: See you soon DAILYGRACE: Nate, you have a lot of responsibility right now NATE: I know I have so much now They give me the keys to the place And you’re gone And all that stuff How’s it going over there? DAILYGRACE: It’s going real nice I drive a car, now, Nate NATE: What? Why would you do that? DAILYGRACE: Yeah, because I have to NATE: OK Well, that’s great Let’s get into the comments, Grace OK DAILYGRACE: Yeah, I’m into that NATE: Yay Megan Sore asks Grace, “what do you want most for Christmas?” DAILYGRACE: World peace Just a whole lot of world peace NATE: World peace DAILYGRACE: Yeah What do you want, Nate? NATE: I want a new sweater DAILYGRACE: Let’s get another comment, Nate NATE: What? A new comment? DAILYGRACE: Yeah NATE: Yo! OK DAILYGRACE: Move it along What I want for Christmas is for you to hurry this along? NATE: Oh OK, OK Somebody– I didn’t get their name, but somebody asked, what is your favorite Christmas dessert? DAILYGRACE: Favorite Christmas dessert? NATE: Dessert! DAILYGRACE: Are there special desserts just for Christmas? NATE: Mmm hmm Special desserts for Christmas, like cookies and, I don’t know, fudge, right? DAILYGRACE: Classic Christmas fudge NATE: Yeah, that’s specialized, kind of DAILYGRACE: Yeah, I– I don’t know I guess cookies? NATE: Cookies DAILYGRACE: Yeah I guess so What do you like, Nate? NATE: I like– DAILYGRACE: Let’s get another comment! NATE: Oh! All right Grace, what are you going to get Tim for Christmas? DAILYGRACE: What am I going to get Tim for Christmas? NATE: Is he going to watch? DAILYGRACE: Oh my gosh OK I have a very elaborate gift planned for Tim NATE: OK What’s that? DAILYGRACE: And I can’t tell you guys about it NATE: Can you give us a hint? DAILYGRACE: So just know it’s super cool And it’s going to be on the internet in like a month or so You can’t see, but my eyebrows are going up and down NATE: I trust from the bag that your eyebrows are going up and down Yeah That’s mysterious and kind of ominous and scary, Grace DAILYGRACE: Yeah Last year, I got him a YouTube channel NATE: Oh, right DAILYGRACE: So I gotta up my game NATE: Just keep on giving DAILYGRACE: Yeah, what are you going to get Tim, Nate? NATE: I don’t know Tim really well DAILYGRACE: Let’s take another comment! NATE: OK KMB1114 asks, “do you have a Christmas tree? If yeah, real or fake?” DAILYGRACE: I do not have a Christmas tree here in Los Angeles NATE: What? DAILYGRACE: I know Isn’t that so like Communist of me? NATE: A little bit DAILYGRACE: But I have one at home with my family And it’s big NATE: That doesn’t count You didn’t you didn’t do any work DAILYGRACE: I know, because my mom is allergic NATE: You’re all– DAILYGRACE: She’s a very sensitive woman NATE: Oh, really? Hmm DAILYGRACE: Yeah NATE: How can you be allergic to a Chris– or just pine tree? Or just Christmas trees? DAILYGRACE: Just a Christmas tree NATE: Just Christmas trees Sounds like– DAILYGRACE: What kind of Christmas tree do you have, Nate? NATE: Oh, well, you know, I just kind of– DAILYGRACE: Let’s take another question NATE: OK I get the game here Tosizemanrye DAILYGRACE: What game? NATE: I– You know, never mind He asked, “Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were younger? And how did you– if so, how did you find out he wasn’t real?” DAILYGRACE: I did believe in Santa Claus big time when I was younger I don’t remember when I found out that he– well, no I [INAUDIBLE] snoop for presents And find them in my mom’s room and then gently unwrap them and then wrap them back up And that’s how I knew Santa didn’t exist NATE: That’s diabolical DAILYGRACE: It’s really sad, but then I remember in sixth grade, a friend of mine still believed in Santa Claus And myself and another friend had to be the one to tell her that it wasn’t a real concept NATE: Oh DAILYGRACE: So I ruined her life And I hold on to that guilt every day of my life NATE: Wow That’s touching Well, that’s a little depressing DAILYGRACE: It’s really depressing I’m very sorry NATE: It’s right on tone with our episode today, honestly Just a little DAILYGRACE: What’s that? NATE: I said, it’s right on tone with the show today DAILYGRACE: Yeah This show has been an interesting emotional roller coaster NATE: Hasn’t it, though? DAILYGRACE: Yes NATE: I got another question You didn’t ask me what my thing about Santa Claus was this time I thought– DAILYGRACE: I stopped caring about you NATE: Oh OK Joann Choi asks, “what’s your favorite holiday– alcoholic, alcoholic holiday drink?” DAILYGRACE: Oh Oh Oh, oh, oh Ho, ho, ho I like–
oh, well, I– I’m going to experiment with making vegan eggnog NATE: Why? DAILYGRACE: I’m sounding like a big, old asshole saying that But I– I want– we’re going to try and do that on the “What’s Trending Holiday Special” thing Hannah Hart and I are going to try it NATE: LA has changed you, Grace DAILYGRACE: I– it really has I thought about buying a juicer And then I realized, like, I’m not going to clean that stuff up So then, I just bought two So NATE: You know what– you know what’s interesting, though, is that you were very confused on Christmas desserts But holiday alcoholic beverages, like that, you knew, you had a list, a mental list DAILYGRACE: Yeah I– I consider a holiday alcoholic beverage a Christmas dessert NATE: Oh DAILYGRACE: Yeah NATE: OK DAILYGRACE: So, I’ll think NATE: OK The– thecaseyknees asks, “what’s the worst gift you’ve ever given someone for Christmas?” DAILYGRACE: Oh What’s the worst gift I’ve ever given? I give pretty good gifts, not to tip my own hat, but I give very thoughtful gifts And one year, my brother tried to be funny, my older brother And he gave us all wrestler– boy doll wrestlers NATE: Do you know which ones? DAILYGRACE: And he also gave me [INAUDIBLE] So it was like a [INAUDIBLE] gift And my step mom got so upset that it wasn’t a thoughtful present that [INAUDIBLE] kind of not allowed to use that jokey gift anymore He got us all, like, Hulk Hogans, and she was pissed NATE: It was Hulk Hogan? Oh, man DAILYGRACE: Something like that And now he’s got a sex tape, so she had reason to be pissed NATE: Really? DAILYGRACE: Yes NATE: Oh, man DAILYGRACE: What’s the worst gift that you’ve ever given someone, Nate? NATE: Given someone? Oh, man I guess– I think I just– I got somebody, like, a t-shirt, like a Death Cab t-shirt And they didn’t like Death Cab at all And for some reason, I thought that was OK DAILYGRACE: You’re horrible NATE: I know I’m a monster DAILYGRACE: You are just horrible NATE: I know– I’m really– it’s– well, I should have given them wrestler toys I think that’s a good gift I don’t know why you said that’s bad Agree to disagree fullloadofalex asks, “Your thoughts on the world ending?” DAILYGRACE: Oh I though it was today– NATE: It, like, could be today or the 21st DAILYGRACE: –that I was supposed to die Yeah It’s the 21st, right? NATE: Yeah, it’s the 21st Some people think it’s today, but it wasn’t, because we’re still doing this So, you know DAILYGRACE: Yeah, and I woke up being like, yay, we did it And then I realized, like, oh NATE: We did it We continued being here DAILYGRACE: Yeah And so we have another, like, nine days of freaking out NATE: Well, what about the 21st, then? DAILYGRACE: Yeah, but hopefully I’ll be able to make a video of how to survive the Mayan apocalypse NATE: The Mayan apocalypse Not the regular apocalypse Just– DAILYGRACE: No, just the Mayan apocalypse NATE: Great OK DAILYGRACE: It’s going to be everywhere NATE: Well, that’s all the time we have, Grace DAILYGRACE: Oh, Nate, this was, like, so fun BETH HOYT: I’m back I’m back NATE: Beth’s back She’s come back to say goodbye DAILYGRACE: [INAUDIBLE] has grown three sizes this day NATE: I bet BETH HOYT: Wow Hey Grace, can we tell them– you’re in New York next week, right? DAILYGRACE: I am I’m so excited! NATE: Whoo BETH HOYT: Yay So Grace will be here in the studio with Nate and I for the whole hour DAILYGRACE: Yay BETH HOYT: I feel like maybe we’ll drink Maybe? NATE: Maybe DAILYGRACE: I feel like, that you can’t not BETH HOYT: Right OK, Grace Thanks for coming on the show DAILYGRACE: Thanks for having me BETH HOYT: Safe travels, and I’ll see you next week NATE: Bye, bye BETH HOYT: Whoo DAILYGRACE: Bye! BETH HOYT: Bye, Grace What a fun show Thanks to Dan and Phil for their new video– NATE: You’ve still got that Oh BETH HOYT: — and to Chris for leaving me with a lot of memories I’m going to have fun I’m going to a fancy dinner tonight This should work out really well NATE: Just tell them Chris Gethard gave it to you BETH HOYT: Chris Gethard did this NATE: Mmm hmm BETH HOYT: And Nate for being such a great DJ and sweater model To you guys for such awesome questions Subscribe We’ll see you next week I want to fling this NATE: Fling it Fling it BETH HOYT: I’ll see you next week Grace will be here in the studio I know it’s going to be a blast It always is And no holiday party is complete without a Charlie Brown dance party, right, Nate? NATE: Absolutely BETH HOYT: Let’s dance OK [CHARLIE BROWN THEME SONG PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING]